36 Pictures of Christina Aguilera Looking AWFUL!
LOOK. Just throwing it out there now – I’ve had a horrible couple of weeks. And sometimes, when times get tough, you’ve just got to think of how much how much worse things could be. It’s like my momma always used to say – if you don’t have anything nice to say, at least make sure you’re saying it about someone who’s awful. And, let’s face it, there’s no celebrity out there more unlikeable than Mextina Aguilera. Well, maybe Avril Lavigne. But still. Look, we’ve never met the woman, but there is just something about her that makes you actively root for her to fail at every turn.
So, in the interest of pulling myself (and, hopefully, a lot of other like-minded needy souls on the interwebs) out of the dumps, here’s a collection of pictures of Christina Aguilera at her worst… ENJOY!
01 – The ‘Either My Momma Never Taught Me How To Apply Make Up’ Look or the ‘I Smeared My Lipstick After Two Bags Of Chick-Fil-A’ Look..
02 – The ‘Lets Stare Pensively Off In The Distance Whilst I Work Out How To Discretely Eat My Microphone’ Look..
03 – The Official ‘Jenna Maroney – Me Want Food -Tribute Act’ Look..
04 – The ‘Who Wants To See My Cooch?’ Look (If you’re really curious, skip through to #12. And #36.. IF YOU DAAAAARE… )
In 4:58, Lady Gaga Simultaneously Does Her Best Work of the Year and Highlights What Has Been So Wrong With The Rest of It So Far..
So, yesterday morning the Grammy nominations for 2011 were announced. Now, you most likely stopped paying attention somewhere between Rihanna getting an Album Of The Year nomination and poor little Taylor Swift getting shut out completely, but the nomination mini-concert was approximately 173 % better than expected. Lady Gaga spent the first half of it trying to make Marry The Night happen (memo to Gaga – it’s NEVER gonna happen), but she closed the show with a surprise duet with country superstars Sugarland, and did an absolutely perfect rendition of her recent hit You And I.
Now, we’ve given Gaga a lot of guff the past twelve months for releasing what appears to be both the best AND worst album of 2011 (depending on what track you happen to land on. Heck, depending on what section of any given song you land on), but this was just gorgeous. Especially considering it was done at about 6:00am in the morning. And that the original song is such an overproduced bombastic mess. That’s the thing that has been so frustrating about Born This Way era Gaga – from a song-writing perspective, she’s at an absolute career best peak, but every single track is so suffocated by ideas that hooks are lost and the emotional cores are drenched in everything from drunken bar room session musicians to random german techno. Kitchen Sink production can sometimes be a thrilling thing (see pretty much everything amazing by Girls Aloud, ever), but it always tends to obscure Gaga’s best work. By stripping back You And I to a piano and a guitar, the melody just soars and it works surprisingly well as a (sapphic) duet.
Here are five other things we learned from the below performance :-
- Clown make-up actually works very well in pop music, as long as it’s not being worn by Christina Aguilera.
- More A/C Country-Rock ballads could do with overt lesbian overtones. It’s like Melissa Etheridge, but without all the uncomfortable domestic legal dramas.
- When you write the best melody of your career, sometimes it’s better not to drown it out with $3,000,000 worth of Def Leppard-isms in the production.
- The ‘Marilyn Monroe attacked by a make-up gun’ look sits on that right kind of weird look people enjoy from Gaga. So much better than that ‘autistic German transexual who forgot to take his meds’ look she’s been sporting the past twelve months. Sexy Weird equals Good. Weird Weird equals Bad. And, you know, weird.
- Sugarlandy Gaga would be a GREAT idea for a side project.
Anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy Lady Gaga and Sugarland knocking out the best version of You And I seen to date :-
So, previously on Survivor : We’re Still In Samoa For The Third Time In A Row But We’re Hoping You Don’t Notice Because Of Our Really Ambiguous Title, 15 new castaways, 2 lame returnees and 1 Woody Allen Tribute Band battled it out for one million dollars and the title of SOLE. SURVIVOR.
Now, I have to admit, once I found out said returnees were Ozzy and Couche, I flat out refused to watch for the first couple of weeks. Mostly because I can’t stand the aforementioned returning players. And because there are approximately fifty bazillion other players out there that deserve a second or (in this case) third chance more than these two bozos. But I’ll be damned if this isn’t the most entertaining non Heroes and Villains season since maybe Tocantins or Micronesia. Even though the returning players have managed to dominate their respective tribes, there has been some amazingly unpredictable gameplay, some awesomely jaw-dropping moments of hunger induced insanity and there’s not a single dud in the whole entire cast (except for some extra called ‘Rick’).
Anyway, with only three episodes left, here is a handy rundown of those left standing and their odds of taking home a million dollar cheque and a title shared by such illustrious names as Parvati, Boston Rob and, ummm, Vecepia..
COCHRAN
Now, let’s get this clear. At absolutely zero point in this do I want Cochran to win. Heck, it would take a Final 3 of him, Coach and Ozzy for me to be happy with him getting the title, crown and sash of Sole Survivor and, even then, I think I’d still prefer Couche. Come to think of it, I’d rather vote for one of the Tiki Torches. But it’s hard to argue that this season, much like last season’s edition of Survivor : Rob Mariano, is pretty the story of Cochran and Cochran alone. The editors have gone to painstaking lengths to justify each and every one of his moves and have gone so far as to give him a lot of credit for moves he didn’t in actuality make (the Elyse boot or Ozzy kamikaze mission spring to mind). At this point, based on the editing, there is NO WAY he doesn’t win. So, obvs, let’s sit back and watch him get voted out seventh.
BEST MOVE : Managing to survive both the Semhar, Elyse AND the Ozzy boots. Even though the latter two could be attributed to Jim and Ozzy respectively. Flipping at just the right time at the merge and managing to, at this point, redeem himself to at least Dawn and Whitney to regain their votes if he makes Final 3. Also, aligning himself as Coach’s on-beach Padawan is actually pretty smart.
WORST MOMENT : Refusing to join everyone swimming on day one because he was too embarassed to take off his shirt. The constant whining of being ostracized by his old tribe – it’s Survivor buddy, the whole game is about overcoming and surpassing group judgements, not whining about them ALL THE TIME.
ODDS OF WINNING : EVEN
SOPHIE
See, this is more like it. If I could make my picks based solely on who is playing the single best game out there right now (not to mention, just the person I all around like the most as a person and find the most entertaining), it would be The Sophster. From her complete post-merge challenge dominance (she’s come either first or second in every immunity challenge) – her epic mid-challenge coconut water upchuck being one of the moments of the season alone – to her savvy social gameplay and her acute reads on both the contestants and the game, she should be winning hands down. If you watch the Insider clips CBS releases each week (almost a whole entire episode worth of deleted scenes each week), you would see that no one is playing harder or smarter. But that’s the problem. Very few of these scenes are making the broadcast edit, which means either (a) she’s going to get booted fifth as a threat when the Upolo Tribe have to inevitably start cannibalizing themselves or (b) she’s receiving the annual Amanda Kimmel Late Game Winner Distraction edit (see also Survivors : China, Micronesia) where an excellent player makes it to the end, doesn’t win for some reason so their overall story doesn’t matter but they’re useful to show late game to make the eventual ending a surprise to viewers. I’m starting to lean towards the latter, although there is still a chance that she does indeed win (because heck knows she deserves to against all these loonies) and has fallen victim, once again, to Survivor’s ever so misogynistic editing team.
BEST MOVE : Playing the hands down most focussed, calm and clinical game of the season while still being immensely likable, dryly funny and a total challenge monster.
WORST MOMENT : Her make up in the Jack & Jill twin challenge. *shudders*
ODDS OF WINNING : 5:2 *fingers crossed this increases*
A Ghost You Can Never Quite Shake Off
Sittin’ in the park, sittin’ in the rain
Wondering about this mess we made
Sittin’ in the park, sittin’ in the rain
Just wondering
Sittin’ in the park, sittin’ in the rain
Wondering about this mess that we made
Sittin’ in the park, sittin’ in the rain
Just wondering
And it’s wet everywhere but where I sit
And I wonder how you will deal with it
Cuz Honey, I’m so tired of placing blame
Can’t you just hold my hand and I’ll hold your hand
And we can find some ground to stand
Where I’m not Satan and you’re not in the wrong
Sometimes I just want the past to be the past – I know you don’t see it like that
Sometimes I just want the past to be just that
Sometimes I want the blame to be just yours – I’m lying if I say I’m not keeping score
But I can’t deny I didn’t play you right off the board
When all is done and through is through
I keep coming back to the fact that I love you, I love you, I love you
And only you
Cuz no one in my whole sad damneded life has made me feel like I’m not alone but you
It’s only you
It’s only ever you
And I hope
That somewhere
You can hear me pouring my feelings out
Like a ghost you can never quite shake off
Cuz that’s what I’ve been living with for seven years
I see you everywhere
I see you in everything
You’re in every mix tape I make
You’re in every song I sing
And I feel you at night, you’re that hands that are holding me
You’re the hope
And the faith
That I could make it
Cuz I made it once with you
Baby it’s you
It’s only ever you
It stopped raining.
Top 20 Tracks from Glee Seasons 1 & 2
With the Season 3 Premiere of Glee happening TONIGHT, what better time to look back on the two years that have past and track through some of the most memorable performances to date. Highlighting all of The New Directions and not just a certain Miss Rachel Berry, here are the twenty best tracks (give or take) from the last two years.
20 – Get It Right
By the end of season two, the original song conceit was getting a little on the unbelievable side, particularly when they would ‘write’ power pop smashes like Loser Like Me or Light Up The World in five minutes. Basically, the tunes were great but it was supremely unconvincing that this bunch of high schoolers could right Max Martin chart toppers. But this, a lovely Rachel Berry ‘penned’ solo number, hits all the right notes of the character and the narrative, as well as being a beautiful tune.
19 – Songbird
And here we have Santana Lopez doing an absolutely lovely rendition of the Fleetwood Mac classic Songbird. Glee copped a lot of flack for their tribute episodes all through season two but, on occasion, the selections served to actually forward the storylines, instead of just provided random iTunes success stories. This beautiful number was definitely one of the former, progressing the Brittany/Santana unrequited love storyline better than most hack writers ever could. It helped, obviously, be highlighting just how affecting Naya Rivera’s vocals could truly be and arranging them in a lovely, stripped back take.
18 – Toxic
On the flipside, the Britney/Brittany tribute episodes was everything that was WRONG with Glee in season two. But, lazy narratives and disjointed nonsensical storytelling aside, there were still some genuinely exciting musical moments, none more so than this – the stripped back, sensual retelling of the one time teen wonders biggest hit. Once you get past the potential awkwardness of Mister Schue gyrating along with his students, the vocals and the arrangement itself are fantastic and the performance was a highlight of the episode itself.
FASHIONCAP – The Emmys 2011
And, just like that, The Emmy Awards have been and gone for another year, washed away in a sea of (pleasantly) surprising award wins and yawn-inducing fashion choices. Really, all that is left to be said is – THANK GOD FOR GWYNETH PALTROW. Seriously, her modern Indian Sari for Anorexics meets Ethnic Cheerleader from Hell ensemble was the highlight of the evening. Don’t get me wrong, it was dreadful dreadful and not in a fun Sharon Stone kind of way, but still. It was interesting and Lord knows the evening needed more of it.
So, keeping that in mind, here is a rundown of the best and worst of the night with bonus points awarded for a sense of Flair, Fun or Intentional Absurdity :-
PADMA LAKSHMI
Oh Padma – what happened? Was the James Bond convention next door and this was your Goldfinger tribute? There’s a BIG difference between wanting to win a little gold man and dressing like one. Seriously, how the hell did such a beautiful woman and such a beautiful dress die so catastrophically in an explosion of monochromatic awfulness. And what’s with all the oil? You look like a cross between a Wrestler and an extra from an 80’s sunscreen commerical..
KRISTEN WIIG
One of the basic rules of http://www.glennyfromtheblock.com is Rule #7 – Kristen Wiig can do no wrong (see also – The Jane Krakowski Principle). But this dress looks like someone took a dump on a tablecloth and preceded to tie-dye it. Even then, it would have worked on a different, less greasy looking hair colour. And the train looks like someone Augustus Galoop would try diving into. Actually, maybe that’s not such a bad thing..
GIULIANA RANCIC
Can’t wait to hear what the Fashion Police have to say about this tomorrow. Seriously though, did I miss the episode where Guiliana professed to an eating disorder? Because she’s seriously rocking some Madonna arms here and, no offense to the former Materiel Girl, but that’s officialy what we call ‘not a good thing’. Red was obviously the color du jour but this is a prime example of a dress matching too closely with its surroundings (see also – Julianna Marguiles). It actually looks like she’s being swallowed up whole by some sort of parasitic red carpet fungus and, by the looks of her, clearly she’s not much of a meal. Also, the two-tone hair just looks like she glued the wrong colored piece in by accident.
11 Things We’d Like To See Included In The Next Britney Spears Video
FINALLY! As those of you who suffered through this years VMA coverage may have noticed, America’s Sluttiest Pop Sweetheart Britney Spears has clearly been reading our blog and confirmed the upcoming 4th single of Femme Fatale is *drumroll* CRIMINAL.
All we can say is Thank God as it’s been a nail-bitingly tense month where everything from Trouble For Me to Inside Out to *shudder* Big Fat Bass has been rumoured to be the next release. To be fair, as far as Britney Spears 4th single releases go, we’re still just relieved it’s not Radar again. But Criminal is easily the standout track on the album along with I Wanna Go, and it’s a nice change of pace from the hat trick of chipmunk-voiced anonymous club bangers she’s released thus far. It kinda reminds us of previous career highlight Why Should I Be Sad aka That Song That Absolutely No On Besides Glenn Seems To Think Is Amazing.
So, since Ms Spears clearly is finally taking our advice at this stage in the album campaign, here are a few things we’d like to see in the upcoming video for Criminal :-
01 – A noirish non-dance routined take on the Femme Fatale theme that has been completely ignored to this point (I mean, really – what’s mysterious about a woman who used to make a happen of flashing her c-scarred hooch whenever the paps are around?). Besides, Black and White makes EVERYONE look thinner, so think of how much money they’d save on all the airbrushing..
02 – Some random popping in and out of Manholes. This was offically the best part of the whole Til The World Ends debacle, so why not repeat it further. To wit :-
GOLD
03 – More puppies. Popjustice did an amazing comparison and proved the clip was 34% better with puppies (YOU SHOULD CLICK ON IT AND SEE THE FULL GALLERY BECAUSE IT IS BEYOND AMAZING. but here are some highlights :-
So, Big Brother lumbers toward it’s finale next week and, before the cast assemble for their final Chen-terviews, there is the slight matter of working out which of the Final 4 could (and should) take home the $500,000 and join the illustrious ranks of former winners like Dr Will, Dan, Evel Dick and, ummm, Maggie.
Last night, Fauxprah woke up for long enough to be evicted in a tie-breaker vote which wasn’t a massive shocker, given that the most significant social relationship she built all summer was with the house refrigerator, although she does get bonus points for a well thought out and well delivered final speech. Unfortunately said bonus points were deducted for pretty much every single other time she spoke all episode. And Kalia? You’re no more Carrie Bradshaw than I am, and I’ve got a LOT more in common with horses than you do. PS – your blog kinda sucks.
So, without any spoilers on who won Veto and who is most likely going home tomorrow night (although, for those like me who’ve wasted a summer glued to the live feeds, it’s going to be VERY interesting), here is a handy rundown of those left in order of who will most likely win and why :-
RACHEL
Oh Rachel Reilly! You’ve truly turned into the Scrappy Doo of this season, haven’t you? After being the most interesting and most loathed contestant of last year’s snooze of a season, it’s been fascinating to watch this furry-booted temptress emerge as an unlikely audience anti-hero. In the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve always adored Rachel. Sure, she can be hypocritical and full of histrionics at times, and her continued (andoh so loud) hatred of floaters is especially ironic because she basically transformed herself into one at a key point mid-game (see the whole time from when Dopey McSwimcoach was evicted Round One until last weeks formation of the AMAZING Team Jordachel). But behind all the botox, drama and awfulness, you just kinda hold out hope that there is a really cool, sweet girl underneath it all, just drowning in what appears to be an almost paralyzing amount of insecurity. FINGERS CROSSED.
WHY SHE SHOULD WIN : Love her or loathe her, there’s no denying that she’s played HARD. And in a season where passivity is the gameplay style de rigour, it’s nice to see someone play full throttle, even if it’s full throttle in a mass of sequins and ratty red hair extensions. Plus, she’s blooming into a late game strategical genius, so props for finally getting a handle on the social side of the game, even if it only took two whole seasons.
BIGGEST OBSTACLES : Even if the last few weeks have revealed a Bookie-less Rachel to be a level headed, socially savvy player, there is no denying that she spent a good portion of the season as a shrill, revenge seeking harpy. Her irrational hatred of Cassi, the constant berating of Jeff over not voting to keep her Man and amazing moments like her hysterically crying semi-hidden in a pile of plastic shrubbery all show that girlfriend has a ways to go before she’s reached Self-Awarenessville. In any other season, her Goodbye Messages to the departed Hammies alone would be grounds to lose the game. Sadly, her competition is…
Nicola Roberts Unleashes Official ‘Best Song of 2011’, Also Stakes Serious Claim for ‘Best Use of Animated Sperm in a Pop Video Clip’..
The phrase ‘Best Song of the Year’ can often get thrown around a little lightly on the interwebs, this blog included, sadly. Sure, there was a time when it appeared that Gaga’s Judas was going to save pop, or Nicola’s own Beat Of My Drum. And, when the time comes for Glenny to do his annual Best Songs Of 2011 round up spectacular, he is amenable to putting Adele’s Rolling In The Deep in the coveted #1 slot (are you listening Makersten, ARE YOU LISTENING?).
But it’s so rare that something so pure, so joyous and so utterly unique rises to the top of the slowly simmering melting pot that is modern day pop, and Nicola Roberts’s upcoming release Lucky Day is just that. A infectiously and oh so British summery romp of a song, it’s so outrageously uplifting that Meth Dealers everywhere are fearing for the jobs.
And the video is just ADORABLE. Seriously, this woman has already given us the best mash-up of the year, the best song the Ting Tings never recorded, the best song title and pop lyric of the year – Disco Blisters and a Comedown’s “Why do the lights in the Kebab Shop make this guy look less hot – he’s looking like John Prescott” – and b-sides better than most of The Saturdays official releases to date. Is their nothing Nicola Roberts can’t do? You have to wonder if she spends her time sitting down in some fluffy pink lair in Runcorn quietly plotting how she can take over the music world next, like some sort of Pop World version of Ozymandias.
Because what is not to like? CMON PEOPLE! The video has :-
- Gloriously summery New York street scenes before the whole city turned into the set of a giant Jake Gyllenhaal Disaster Movie
- The best random synchronized hoochie dancers this side of a Jenna Maroney European Club Smash.
- Animated graphics of Sperm Read more…
Glenny’s Twenties In 20 Tracks
HAPPY 100th POST! Sorry about the lack of updates recently but, after a well-deserved two week break gallavanting around New York and *coughcoughturning30cough* I’m back with a semi-literary vengeance. I’m not sure what qualifies as ‘semi-literary vengeance’ btw, I guess the ‘semi’ negates any Shakespearean aspirations, but maybe I can still scrape in something more on the Jackie Collins level.. *shrugs* To be honest, I’m more perturbed by the fact I apparently don’t know how to spell the word ‘vengeance’ properly without the help of spell check. Must be the Alzheimers..
ANYWAY. To celebrate this monumental blogging milestone, I thought I’d share something I put together for my recent 30th birthday as a party favor for all my guests. As some of you know, ol’ Glenny is fond of making annual mix cds to su up each year gone by and, on the afternoon of the party, I thought it would be fun to try and make one to sum up my whole entire twenties, so I could share something with my friends beyond my fondness for drinking and brazilian meat. Now, this isn’t entirely perfect, but it flows pretty well and lyrically tells the tale of a decade well, although it isn’t as chronological as my Glenny Mix cds normally are.
Glenny’s Twenties In 20 Tracks’ :-
01 – Extraordinary Machine – Fiona Apple
WHY : I’m a massive Fiona Apple fan, which makes it interesting that this is the track of hers I gravitate towards the most, given it’s so atypical of her releases. A quirky, baroque almost circus-like meander of a track, it features one of the best opening lines of all time (see below) and manages to be both uplifting, wry and delightfully nonchalant. Which is I guess what I love about it – it’s a tribute to the triumph of inner strength in the face of any adversity. Kind of like, you know, me. One of my favourite strengths of character is how flexible I am, alway adapting day to day to whatever is thrown at me – it’s what I like to call the Sandra Diaz Hyphen Twine Strategy For Living and it’s one that I really value, because life is so much easier that way, it’s comforting.
KEY LYRIC : “I certainly haven’t been shopping for any new shoes and I certainly haven’t been spreading myself around. I still only travel by foot and by foot it’s a slow climb but I’m good at being uncomfortable so I can’t stop changing all the time.”
02 – Dancing In The Dark – Bruce Springsteen
WHY : And here we have my literal number one favourite song of all time. It’s funny too, because it’s not just a pure nostalgia burst or anything either. To be honest, I’d never paid attention to this until a few years ago when Wes Carr covered it on Idol and I noticed the lyrics and how amazingly dark they were. Then, obviously, my Courteney Cox Arquette 80’s Arm-Clicking fetish got the best of me and history was made. Just an amazingly written song that probably sums up how I felt for the last five years or so better than any other on this list. It’s really one of the absolute saddest songs I’ve ever heard cloaked in one of the best melodies and rhythms of all time. Plus, it’s my go to karaoke song, arm clicks and all.
KEY LYRIC : “I ain’t nothing but tired, Man I’m just tired and bored with myself.”
03 – Sunset Strip – Courtney Love
WHY : An amazing FM radio-ready meltdown of a track, showcasing Love at both her funniest and most strung out. One of my all time favourite driving songs, it could have been the breakout hit of the album with a bit of polish and something other than the demo vocal. Courtney careens wildly all over the course from angry to hopeful to horny to defeated to hilarious to illuminating for almost six glorious minutes. The full on breakdown at the end where she starts shouting all the different reasons she has pills for (“I’ve got pills cuz I’m old, I’ve got pills cuz you’re dead, I’ve got pills cuz I am the worst and best dressed, I’ve got pills cuz I feel more than 21, I’ve got pills cuz I know baby you’re not the one..”) is one of my favourite moments in music of all time. I still put this on almost every day to run to and just completely lose myself in it every single time, like it says so much of how I feel better than I ever could..
KEY LYRIC : “Cruising down the Sunset Strip and there is nothing that’s not, that’s not within my grip and tonight, I got it right, just one time..”
An Open Letter To Shelly Moore..
Dear Shelly,
Hopefully when you get out of the house you’ll get to read this, although I wouldn’t blame you if you never come within 50 feet of the internet again! Mostly I wanted to write something of support coming from someone who is not necessarily your biggest fan and, if anything, is kind of doing a happy dance that Jordan and Rachel just inadvertently got handed at least another week in the house.
Whether people like watching you play or hate watching you play, no one who is a true fan of the game of Big Brother can deny that you played the game EXACTLY how it is designed to be played. You were actually my pre-season newbie pick to win and have continued so all the way through to the last week. And you played to WIN. People forget when they walk into the house that there is a world outside the confines of a CBS soundstage and I really respected that you never lost sight of that. Sure, you had an amazing friendship with Jeff and Jordan that I’m sure you genuinely valued, but that was a relationship that was for two months of your life. Your relationship with your husband and your daughter has been going on for a whole decade. Good for you for never losing sight of that.
Anyway, this is already a ramble-a-palooza, but I just wanted you to know that there are a lot of people who think the crap being heaped on you now is just beyond disgusting. It makes me embarrassed as a reality televsion fan and as a human being. And I say that as someone who is a hardcore Rachel and Jordan fan. I hope from the bottom of my heart that whatever has transpired in the house has no long term effect on your life, your employment or your family. Because even though you definitely overplayed your hand and probably made the mistakes that will most likely get you out in 6th place, none of this has any bearing on the quality of you as a human being. I hope this whole experience doesn’t cause you to feel that the vast majority of people out there in the world watching realize this as much as you do.
All the best once you get out, you definitely deserve it!
Sincerely,
The Vast Majority of People out there watching with an IQ over 50.
PS – By the way, Josie is ADORABLE. And quite savvy and well-spoken for an eight year old. Her take on the game seems more spot on than a majority of the people playing this season. The campaign for Josie For Big Brother 14 starts HERE!
Just heard the latest release by tween pop slash Disney starlet slash apparent all round Renaissance Woman Selena Gomez and was quite surprised that it didn’t exactly make me want to kill myself. Who knew?
Love You Like A Love Song is the lead single of Gomez’s current album called something or other and is, God help me, a delightfully sultry, borderline sleazy electro-pop lite number that is one of the better pop releases of the year to date. To be fair, it’s been a right shitty year for decent pop music so far (we’re looking at you Cher Lloyd), but this is a real pleasant surprise. Listening to it is akin to that first time you heard See You Again by Miley Cyrus and realised that she’s not exactly the musical Antichrist after all. Or, if she is, at least the musical Antichrist released one of the best written pop songs of the last decade, which makes the idea of said impending Popocalypse that much more bearable..
And, worse – the video is kind of awesome. Sure, I’m not quite sure why she’s macking on Teen Fabio, but anything that utilises a Japanese Karaoke Bar is alright in our books. Here it is :-
That voice is pretty ace, eh? Quite smokey and sultry, almost seems at odds coming out of the body of a PG-13 Bratz Doll. It’s a shame that her facial expressions don’t quite match the quality..
Sure, A Year Without Rain is basically When Love Takes Over for the under eighteen set but, really, is that such a bad thing? I mean, who wants to live in a world where The Under 18 Set DOESN’T deserve their very own watered down version of a modern-day club pop classic? Another track that is about 173% better than it has any right to be, Gomez sings convincingly and it’s catchy as fuck, even if having a teenager basically sing about how her man gets her wet is a little uncomfortable, when you think about it.
Bonus Points for the video, which takes a delightfully abstract approach to the meteorologically inclined lyrics. OH. Wait..
(It’s obviously paint by lyric numbers 101 but still – it’s PRETTY.) ENJOY :-
So, being the middle of winter and all, it’s the time of year I like to get my baking on. Partially because baking is so warm and comfort-y and also because it covers up any other less appetizing odours in the house. Let’s be fair, while I give the (Junior) Masterchefs a run for their money, Martha Stewart I’m not..
This is a recent discovery of mine, mostly because I drunkenly found it on the inside lid of a container of Strawberries one night. In all fairness, I think I should get points for the fact that lately my drunken binges have been on things like Strawberries instead of Chikko Rolls and Kebabs.
Anyway, even though the whole recipe was about 27 words long, I really liked the idea of mixing Strawberry and Ricotta in muffin form, so I’ve fine tuned the recipe measurements and added a few bits and bobs, but it’s turned into a really healthy, low-fat winter treat that takes about ten minutes to prepare.
INGREDIENTS
250g Strawberries, hulled and roughly chopped **
2 1/2 cups of Self-Raising Flour
1 teaspoon of Ground Cinnamon
3/4 cups of Castor Sugar
2 Eggs
4 teaspoons of melted Butter
1 cup of Milk
250g Ricotta
2 Lemons worth of Lemon Zest
** Hulling Strawberries evidently means removing the leaves and the stem. Which is good to know because there is SUCH high chance you’d leave them on for freakin’ muffins #themoreyouknow
STEP ONE
Preheat Oven to 180 Degrees Celsius. If you’re a Wacky American, THIS will probably come in handy..
STEP TWO
Sift Flour and Cinnamon into a Bowl and stir in the Castor Sugar. The recipe calls for you to sieve the flour but, if you’re like me and for some reason never got around to buying a sieve, a find a whisk is a handy alternative.
I Don’t Walk Down Ninth Anymore
Was cleaning out my hotmail account this afternoon (you know, as opposed to ‘working’ and stuff), and I found a bunch of songs that I wrote circa 2006-2007. Now, I’m not gonna post all of them, because there’s about five billion and all, but this one in particular made me cry. Obviously, that was a very prolific period in my songwriting career, for obvious reasons, but this really stood out to me as something that I still think is really great and, to be honest, I’d completely forgotten about until six hours ago..
It’s ironic I suppose, considering I’m about to spend two weeks in Manhattan.. I like this a lot though and I’m surprisingly proud of it, even though I guess it’s still kinda unfinished..
I NEVER WALK DOWN NINTH ANYMORE
i already gave you the best that i got i already gave you the best that i got cuz we all know what you did to break a poor boy's heart like that.. i don't walk down ninth anymore i don't walk down ninth anymore cuz i'll end up like you or i'll end up with you.. cuz there's too much history between you and me that don't go away when you say you love me if i could have anything in this whole wide world i would watch the snow fall from the sky on you so i could brush the flakes off your bright red cheeks and hold you in my arms and wish away the moon i still keep all the letters i got do you still keep all the letters you got can you even remember what you wrote in them in such a haze cuz there's too much history between you and me that don't go away when you say you love me i don't walk down ninth anymore but we still know where you live in case i can ever work out how to forgive
Now, Tori Spelling is known for a lot of things – Beverly Hills 90210, Reality TV, Being the Walking Human Definition of Nepotism – but A Talented Comedian? Not necessarily one of them..
Which is a shame, as loyal viewers of one-season wonder So NoTORIous can attest, because she’s actually a really funny gal. And not just in a “Hey – I surgically implanted two coconut shells down my chest because I thought it would be amusing’ kind of way either.. Say what you want about Tori Spelling, but you can’t knock the fact that she’s very self-aware and has a real and healthy sense of humor about herself.
And that’s what makes her recent Funny Or Die Hoarders spoof so damned hilarious. Spoofs are an easy thing for an actor to play, you pretty much can’t go wrong, but this clip is (albeit stereotypically) HILARIOUS. And both Tori, Dean and her two kind of adorable children do SUCH a good job. The Clay Aiken cameo, on the other hand, makes me want to throw up a little, but thems the brokes.
Anyway, without further ado, here is Tori Spelling in the unforgivably hilarious Funny Or Die clip The Secret Life Of An American Gay Hoarder :-
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/6551630cd2/hoarders-untold-stori?rel=player
the from the block blog 
