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An Open Letter to Britney Spears..

February 3, 2011

Okay Britney, really?  I mean, imma really happy you’re making your eleventy billionth comeback and all, but is this for real real?

Here are Five Things That Are Wrong With Your New Album Cover :-

o1 – It looks like you probably spent my whole entire annual wage airbrushing at least twenty pounds off this puppy but you left the bags under your eyes in?  What happened – did you get bored and go for an In-N-Out Burger halfway through all that photoshopping?

02 – Your hair (or extensions more like) is greasier than a high school musical production of the same name.  I’m not even asking you to wash it.  Just throw some talcum powder in it for the two seconds you had your photo taken.

03 – I’m as against cloning experiments as the next man, but that’s no excuse to skin Dolly The Sheep and wear her as a coat.  PETA are going to hand you your ass over this.

04 – The picture you used for Hold It Against Me was 67% better.

05 – Your new album title sucks.  Femme Fatales are meant to be mysterious and I think we can all agree that, once we’ve seen you flash your cesarian-scarred hooch to every paparazzo in a fifty mile radius of LA, mystery is not a virtue you will ever possess again.

On the plus side, at least it’s better than this :-

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