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An Open Letter To Team Britney..

May 20, 2011

Dear Team Britney Spears,

<– THIS is officially the first great idea you’ve had all album campaign.  Granted, it kinda sounds like EVERY OTHER TRACK ON THE ALBUM but, if slutty chipmunk voiced club-pop is really where it’s at right now, this is the best you’ve got on (Not At All A) Femme Fatale.

Top Tip For The Next Video – you know that Britney can’t dance anymore.  We know Britney can’t dance anymore.  Heck, I’m pretty sure even Britney knows she can’t dance anymore.  Just think of how much you’d save on pumping her full of prescription meds the whole time if you just accepted said fact.  At this point, I’m pretty sure Stephen Hawking could do a group shimmy better than little Britters.  So, since this song is totally and utterly about The Sex anyway, why not just do something with a lot of pouting and seductive writhing around.  The My Prerogative video was pretty much the sexiest thing she’s done to date and all she did was prance around in her underwear and make out with Kevin Federline in that one.  And let’s face it – if anyone can make macking on K-Fed look sexy, that’s REAL talent. 

Bonus points for eschewing the usual autotune for helium balloons by the way – definitely one of the more innovative vocal production techniques around these days.  Seriously, it’s like the vocals were produced by a bunch of 8 year olds boys at a birthday party. #notnecessarilyabadthing

Still, it’s easily the best song on the album and should have been released months ago.  Plus, it’s catchier than at least two thirds of the STD’s I’ve ever had lately and easily more enjoyable than pretty much all of them :-

Now, if THIS is the 4th single, that would be great.  Thanks.  Although, knowing our luck, it’ll probably just be Radar again..



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