SO! 2011 is finally over. And, can I say? Thank fuck for that. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of good things happened that year, but it got pretty FUBAR’d by the end. I have to say, I haven’t been this exhausted since that time I was Jackee Harry’s Personal Grocery Shopper..
I think the important thing is though, when you have times like this, is to take stock of the things that did work and celebrate them, however small. The things that didn’t work are only useful if you’re using them to learn from. If you’re going to sit there and just dwell in them, then you’re wasting more of your life than you already have, and that’s more useless then a Miss America contestant in a geography quiz.
The First Great Song of 2012 : Born To Die – Lana Del Rey
WELL. That didn’t take long, did it? And thank God for that. Following up last years critical smash Video Games (which CERTAIN esteemed music blogs ranked in their 22 Best Songs of the Year – HERE), it sounds like a natural progression without ever feeling like a mere retread. Which certainly makes us happy since, as intoxicatingly beautiful Video Games was, there was a certain fear that Del Rey’s Gangsta Sinatra schtick could wear thin or, worse, end up being the biggest case of pre-release dress ups an emerging artist has played on an unsuspecting public since Jessie J tricked an unsuspecting legion of music critics into thinking she was anything other than Natasha Bedingfield with a Very Modern Haircut this time last year.
Have sat with the song for a couple of days now, it’s not *quite* as good as Video Games but, in all honesty, that’s a bit like saying Jesus isn’t *quite* as good as God, isn’t it? If 2012 is indeed the year of the Mayan apocalypse, Born To Die sounds very much like the music that the horsemen will be riding out to. With a backing track less a song than something akin to wading out into a movie score, with lushly orchestrated strings against a sea of soft beats, it’s music to get lost to. The lyrics are strong too, helped by Del Rey’s hypnotically sexy, smokey vocals – moments like post-chorus’s “Come kiss me hard in the pouring rain, you like your girls insane” or the “I feel so alone on the Friday Nights – can you make it feel like home if I tell you you’re mine” are both jaw-dropping and also the kind of moments that just get under your skin. Far from just being a sexy kitten with an impressive set of pipes, Del Rey is shaping up to be one of the most interesting songwriters to straddle the pop and NME landscapes in a long, long time.
The video is about 2/3’s fantastic as well, unfolding like a long long late 60’s classic – the screen loves Del Rey the way it loves a Scarlett Johannson, she holds every frame like she was made for this. The scenes of her and hey boyfriend almost make you wish that this really were excerpts from a movie that you could watch for two hours. It’s a shame that the intercut scenes of her singing in a stark white church surrounded by tigers wasn’t so jarring and melodramatic. Besides looking coked off her gourd (although I’m sure that was the point), Del Rey’s delivery here is the seated equivalent of bad interpretive dance. The parts where she literally motions smoking a joint – for the chorus’s “lets go get high” part or, worse, literally makes a swirling crazy finger aside her head for the “insane” line, are so obvious and almost comical that you hope she gets bored in her spare time and comes up with a Artist’s Cut. Especially since Video Games proved that Lana has a back up career as an Editor and Director of note if this Alternative Pop Singer lark doesn’t quite pan out.
Anyway, here it is, the First Great Song of 2012 :-
19 New Name Suggestions For Greatest (Non-Girls Aloud) Girlband Of All Time – The SUGABABES
EXTREMELY GOOD NEWS ALERT! Esteemed music blog Popjustice (ie – kind of like this blog is some of the time, if, during those times, we were seven hundred million times funnier and better informed) is reporting that original Sugababes line-up of Keisha! Siobahn! Mutya! is quietly reforming after all, at various times, either quitting, being forced out of or literally being fired from the Holy Grail Of Vocal Harmony Girl Bands Sugababes. Having been through more line-up changes than Lindsay Lohan has had Parole Officers, the once all-conquering girl band is now wallowing in a squalid bed made of tabloid inches, reality shows and hideously-hued PVC costumes.
Now, besides this being the BEST IDEA IN THE HISTORY OF TIME, EVER, it poses a small problem for music geeks and legal types all round. While none of the existing line up remains in the band, there are still two drag queens and a badly-dressed horse hanging around taking up use of the almight ‘Sugababes’ moniker. So what is a gaggle of record-label rejects to do? Rebrand OF COURSE!
So, in the spirit of Goodwill, here are a few ideas on monikers the girls could take advantage of (we won’t even do a Deni Hines and try and ask for royalties from it at the last minute. Mister Bouris? Mister BOOOOUUURIS?) :-
Things You See That You Can Never Unsee – Steven Tyler Has Them Moobs Like Jagger (and a Face Like Janice Dickinson) Edition
Rock Legend, American Idol and All Round Hollywood Homeless Person was spotted on Hawaii yesterday rocking the most serious set of man boobs seen since Hurley and his finished up on Lost last year. I mean, these things are just things of sagging, manly beauty.
In itself, they’d probably be respectable enough for a ‘Man of a Certain Age’ (if, by ‘a certain age’ you were venturing into the triple digits) but, I mean, LOOK :-
Steven Tyler – breast fed Liv Tyler until the age of four. POP FACT.
Let’s count all the things wrong with this picture..
Famed Scholar and (alleged) Teen Bride Courtney Stodden continued her whirlwind Great Paparazzi-Baiting Tour of 2011/12 yesterday in Venice Beach yesterday, visiting a bookshop (BOOKSHOP!?!) in an ensemble inspired by the other great lovable cheap whore of our times – Vivian Ward.
Now, far be it for me to want to encourage her and her ridiculously fame-mongering ways, but there is something that is still so oddly fascinating about her – I literally do not understand why she exists. On the plus side, she’s got a bit of a Jersey Shore Does The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button thing going on lately – she looks maybe 30 now, tops. Which is a lot better than the dried out mind-forties thng she was rocking for the past year. I guess that’s what happens when you lay off the industrial-strength funeral parlor make-up?
So, while Julia Roberts is rolling over in her grave (or, rolling around in a bed lined with hundred dollar bills, or whatever she sleeps in these days), here is a collection of photos of Courtney getting her Beverly Hills Hooker Couture on. I wonder if she gets turned away by the high end Rodeo Drive boutiques as well?
Evidently – There’s A 30% Chance That It’s Already Raining..
Let Me Just Pick Up My Self-Respect, I’m Pretty Sure I Dropped It Somewhere Near The KY Aisle..
So, here we are – the Number One Song of 2011. Now, I’m sure many of those who know me worked this one out a long time ago but, if I’m honest, I chopped and changed the Top Three (HERE) back and forth the last few months more times than I can count. Choosing a song to literally be regarded as the best of a given period is a hard task. Lord know I got all but eviscerated by http://www.samesame.com.au forums last year when I fought (and won) for Example’s Kickstarts in their countdown I did. If I went from a purely critical standpoint, there is no question Lucky Day would still be Top Ten, but #1? It’s hard to say, especially in the face of big stadium-sized emote-athons like Shake It Out and Rolling In The Deep.
But there is no denying that there is just something so joyous and special about Lucky Day. It just shines. Everything about the song is so uplifting, but still yearning and vulnerable. Obviously, there’s a point where my complete and utter adoration of the song comes from it connecting in a purely personal place, but that’s the funny thing about it – Lucky Day and it’s tales of infatuation, longing and potentially unrequited love have absolutely zero relevance to any emotion I’ve felt since about 2006 (which, clearly, is as sad an indictment of my lack of love life as it is of anything else). Heck, the video resonates with me more than anything in the lyrics do. But still, in the face of all reason and Glenn-Logic, I can’t deny that I just L-O-V-E this track more than life itself. And, considering that the WHOLE ENTIRE REASON that I was inspired to set up this blog in the first place was the soul-crushing feeling of having to pretend to love homosexually adored but critically boring pop acts like Rihanna and Kelly Rowland when I did the samesame countdown last year, I’ll be damned if I’m not taking the luxury of putting my own personal favourite (that’s right – favourite) song as the number one.
When I first heard it, I described it (HERE) as “..it’s so rare that something so pure, so joyous and so utterly unique rises to the top of the slowly simmering melting pot that is modern day pop, and Nicola Roberts’s upcoming release Lucky Day is just that. A infectiously and oh so British summery romp of a song, it’s so outrageously uplifting that Meth Dealers everywhere are fearing for the jobs.” And now, almost four months on, I still don’t think I can say it any better.
The video is just perfection as well, with it’s sunny New York surrounds, it’s random Hoochie Back-Up Dancers, the animated fluorescent sperm that pop up in the background of shots and it’s defiant disregard for the proper wearage of pants. And that’s not even getting me started on the Official ‘Best (and Most Endearing) Hair Flick of the Past Two Decades.
The Glenny Guide To… The Top 50 Tracks of 2011 : 10 – 2
I’m back Bitches! And imma bringing 9/10’s of the Top Ten Tracks of the Year with me. So, put down your hangovers, turn up your laptop speakers, and get ready to reminisce on some of the awesomeness that was the year that was. Now, try saying THAT ten times fast..
10 : Beat Of My Drum – Nicola Roberts
In at number ten we have The Little Popstar That Could. Proving that there was life in the ‘Ex Girlband Members Releasing AMAZING Solo Material’ Horse was Style Queen, Entrepreneur and all around awesome Captain of Team Ginge Nicola Roberts. Right from the moment that the first 23 seconds of debut single Beat Of My Drum (relive the countdown HERE) leaked online, it was clear that the Diplo produced single was going to be something completely special and, thankfully, more than a little bananas. Basically the comeback track The Ting Tings SHOULD have recorded, Beat Of My Drum literally opened up 2011’s most exciting solo career like a storybook before leading the listener down an exhilarating path of swirly synths, military beats and, finally, a gloriously Bring It On-esque chorus that was so good that Madonna appears to have stolen it wholesale (and, in turned, highlighted how the American Eduction System is clearly failing their students in regards to basic spelling). The most defiantly British sounding release this year hands down. Plus, inexplicably brilliant Angie Jordan mash-up (HERE) was absurdist pop gold too..
09 : You And Me – Penny & The Quarters
Okay, so 2011’s ninth best song was, technically, recorded sometime in the early 1970’s before spending the next thirty odd years gathering dust in a studio warehouse. Never considered anything more than a demo, it was offloaded onto a label boxset in 2007 with so little fanfare that even the original band members have never been identified. Then, out of nowhere, the BEST FILM OF THE LAST YEAR appropriated it for a key emotional scene and, suddenly, it found an audience. The song, a female led motown, doo-wop styled number with heartwrenchingly earnest vocals, is music that just shakes you to your very soul. It might actually be the single most romantic song ever recorded (depending how I feel about Come Away With Me by Norah Jones on any given day). If you haven’t seen Blue Valentine yet – (a) you’re kind of a Loser and, (b) SEE IT. But, in the meantime, go and and part with $1.69 and download this. NOW.
08 : Last Friday Night (TGIF) – Katy Perry
2011 saw Perry cement herself as less top-shelf popstar and more globally recognized brand (pardon the pun. Actually wrote that pre-divorce and only realised said punnage about, oh, five minutes ago?) With everything from perfume lines to tv roles, it was the inspired Kathy Beth Terry borderline performance art pieces (watch the genesis HERE. Seriously, it’s even better than the eventual 80’s Monster Mash of a clip) she did in the lead up to this that was her most inspired. The song was fantastic too, a zippy guitar pop anthem that manages the difficult task of being as much fun as all the semi-debauched acts she sings about, even if thirteen year old girls blacking out and having menage a trois’s were lyrical sketches best not thinking too much about.
13:49 Minutes Worth of Reasons Why Sophie Clarke Is (Probably) The Best Female Winner of Survivor of All Time.
Less than two weeks ago, New York native Sophie Clarke took out the title of Sole Survivor on the long-running show’s 23rd South Pacific aka “We’re in Samoa for the 3rd time in 2 years, but we’ve still got a surplus of creative ways to Macarena around it” edition.
Now, before anyone starts drinking the crazy juice, I’m not quite ready to say 22 year old Clarke is the single best female contestant to ever play. I’m not renouncing Challenge Dominator, Social Slayer and all-around Master Strategist Parvati Shallow just yet. But following Survivor : South Pacific closely this season (in spite of myself), I’m wondering if the single best game by a female winner EVER just got played. If you only were watching casually, you’d be wondering what the hell I’ve been smoking in my little Southern Hemisphere corner of the globe, but all the deleted The Insider scenes CBS posted each week tell a story very different to the (somewhat) epic Coach Vs. Ozzy battle feat. Woody Allen we had rammed down our throats the last 14 weeks. From Day 1, when she formed a tight five person alliance til Day 39 when she won in a 6:3:0 victory against Coach and Albert, she was never in any danger of leaving. With the exception, possibly, of the Final 5 vote, but she clearly had Rick and, particularly, Coach so wrapped in in individual alliances that this was never any danger.
And that’s the thing that sets her apart from other amazing female winners over the years (Parvati, Tina, Danni) is the lack of luck involved in her getting to the end and getting the check. The only flaw I had with Parvati’s (who I consider to be still the best overall player ever) game in Micronesia is that, had the anticipated Final 3 actually eventuated, she would have been slaughtered by Cirie. I never understood why they let her get that close to the end. Sandra, for all her delightful sass and attitude, made it to the end due to luck as much as anything else (it was 50:50 between her and Courtney getting voted out at one point and, again, with Jerri). Still played a great game, but one hugely reliant on luck and bad judgement on others parts as much as anything else. Sophie, meanwhile, played on of the most focussed and controlled games I’ve ever seen anyone play and that’s what is so impressive. She made it to the end with deliberate choices and gameplay the whole way through. Sure, there was a certain amount of luck involved in any Survivor game, but hers was a lot more minimal. She formed a Final 5 alliance on Day 1 and made sure she was at the centre of it. She helped make the Final 4 deal with Cochran that got him to flip at the merge. She cultivated an alliance with Coach that saw her never be in danger once it got to endgame. Plus, she kicked butt in challenges when needed – at the Final 8 to stop Whitney winning immunity and again at Final 4 to finally get Ozzy out of the game.
Also, it helps that I just find her ridiculously droll and entertaining to watch. In a lot of ways, she was really the funniest person on the show this season and was almost a much-needed Greek Chorus to all the insanity going on within the Upolo Tribe. She was actually my pre-game pick to win as well and only dropped to my #2 pick around the middle of the game when the editing kept crediting Coach and Cochran (in particular) for moves she made and kind of ignored her, which is normally a sign that someone doesn’t win. Needless to say, the editing this season was FUBAR’d.
Anyway, a well deserved and entertaining win – here are almost 14 minutes worth of top notch game play, hilarity and general awesomeness..
HIGHLIGHTS :-
00:14 – Mocking Coach’s Russian and totally getting a handle on his personality in about seven seconds flat.
01:07 – Getting Lil Brandon Hantz’s number in about the same amount of time when no one else had any clue.
03:01 – An amazingly exasperated speech about Brandon’s inconsistency and general craziness.
03:56 – Calling out the whole entire Savaii Tribe for Ozzy’s woeful Amanda Kimmel School of Dramatic Arts worthy performance on Redemption Island.
06:20 – ANGRY wood chopping
06:36 – TOTALLY staring down and downright owning Probst at Tribal Council. Can’t think of the last time a contestant managed to do that.
08:04 – Coining the term (and eventual Survivor pay per view cable spin-off) “Ozzy’s Pleasure Dome”.
09:26 – “Will you let me f*cking finish!” Probably the only time she really lost her cool all game. Which, considering she was on Tribe Ridiculati though whole time, is a pretty impressive feat in itself.
10:04 – Her sublimely incredulous eye-roll when Albert’s Immunity Necklace falls apart at Tribal.
10:25 – Besides her takedown of Probst at the previous TC, this is probably my favourite. Not just for how confidently she tells off Albert, but for the sheer ingenuity of even thinking outside the square on how to beat the challenge. Drop your damned stack!
11:50 – A new slayer is born..
12:56 – Possibly the best answer to a Final Tribal Council question ever. And the most hilarious. “and when I met Coach, I saw him as the equivalent of a young girl..” Poor Coach!
13:21 – WINNING.
If they had of included her amazing warrior-like eventual vomiting in the middle of the Coconut water challenge, it’d be complete. Got the pics HERE though (as well as our mid-season deconstruction of the game)..
So yeah. If we were doing our Winner Rankings again (see HERE), she’d definitely be Top 5, maybe higher – need to sit on it for a bit still. Hopefully we’ll see her slay more dragon butt next All-Stars. In the meantime, it was just nice to see someone play such a thoroughly thought out, controlled and well executed game. KADOOS!
The Glenny Guide To… The Top Tracks of 2011 : 20 – 11
BAM! It’s the Top 20 Best Songs of the Year. This is where it gets hard people. It’s easy to sass celebs at the lower end of the chart but, once you’ve gotten to this point, the songs are all officially Pretty Fucking Fantastic. I almost included Moves Like Jagger in here solely so I could make fun of Christina Aguilera some more. True Story. Anyway, ENJOY!
20 : Someone Like You – Adele
It was hard to go within twenty seven feet of a radio without hearing Adele slit your wrists-athon Someone Like You this year. And, once we manage to put our building resentment aside, it’s worth noting how just darn nice it is that something like this can rule the radiowaves without the seemingly obligatory ‘feat. Pitbull’ cameo that every other female popstar seemed to coast on this year. Relying on nothing more than a simple melody, straightforward lyric and a heartbreaking vocal that ripped through you like the aural equivalent of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, this little song that could changed the way music was made in 2011 and, for that, we owe Miss Atkins a big THANK YEWW.
19 : Stay Awake – Example
After releasing the official Best Song Of 2010 (at least according to several prestigious music blogs. Like, ummm, THIS ONE, and several others I write for), the English Singer and Rapper really broke through in a big way in 2011 with follow up Playing In The Shadows. It was the trance-influenced lead single Changed The Way You Kissed Me that gave him the first of several chart toppers, but it was this, a dark dance number that became one of his biggest hits to date and our favourite of the latest album. And, lyrically, it’s basically the anthem for this generation, whether you like to admit it or not.
18 : All Fired Up – The Saturdays
Otherwise known as the exact moment the UK Girlband stepped out of Girls Aloud’s critically adored shadow and staked their claim to be the biggest pop group the country had right now. With a deliriously heavy ‘everything but the kitchen sink’ production, All Fired Up less beckoned listeners to the dancefloor than forcibly abducted them, imprisoned them in a circle of handbags and refused to let them leave for three and a half exhilarating minutes. Basically, it’s like a slightly less good version of Sexy! No, No, No.. But that’s like saying someone is a slightly less good version of Jesus – the benchmark in kitchen sink pop has been set pretty high. The “I put my head against the speakers, saying Blow My Mind, DJ Blow My Mind” is one of the best hooks Xenomania has come up with in yonks.
The Glenny Guide To… The Top 50 Tracks of 2011 : 30 – 21
And FINALLY we reach the halfway mark! And then, as an additional special Glenny party trick, we’re going to jump over the halfway mark, turn around and urinate all over it. Mostly because I can and also because this has sucked up about 87% more of my Christmas vacay than I planned. Thankfully, making fun of people I vaguely respect is pretty much my FAVOURITE THING EVER.
So, ONWARD :-
30 : Called Out In The Dark – Snow Patrol
Having been long dismissed as everything from irrelevant to, worse, Coldplay-lite, new album Fallen Empires showed a band very much back on form, producing their best and most interesting body of work since 2004’s breakthrough release Final Straw. While the vague electronic sounds of the opening single may have scared some listeners that Gary Lightbody (seriously – isn’t that just the COOLEST name?) and co were bandwagon-jumping, the musical core, as always, was still solid tunes, strong melodies and Lightbody’s unique and tender way with a lyric. We’d call it a comeback, but he’d probably hate us.
29 : Born This Way – Lady Gaga
Sometimes self empowerment anthems just happen. Sometimes they find ground over time. And, sometimes, they are cooked up in musical laboratories by the pop music equivalent of a mad scientist and rammed down our throats whether we like it or not. Don’t get me wrong – Born This Way is a good song. In fact, it’s bordering on great. But it’s damned near impossible to listen to it free from the six months of ‘This Is The Greatest Song of Our Generation’ self-hype that the Gaga Machine subjected us to in its lead up. That being said, the sentiment is great, the actual melody is brilliant and the chorus is fucking immense. Hopefully, in 2012, Lady Gaga can just trust herself to get about making amazing music without feeling the constant compulsion to beat us over the head pointing out how brilliant and clever everything is. “Look, I’m being birthed out of a giant egg. Because I’m born this way..” WE GET IT!!!!$!!@! Etc, etc..
28 : Moves Like Jagger – Maroon 5 feat. 36 Pictures Of Christina Aguilera Looking AWFUL
The pop equivalent of audio crack, few tunes were more addictive this year than this three and a half minute advertisement for US talent show The Voice (basically Idol, but with SWIVEL CHAIRS!) Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera made for a surprisingly dynamite vocal pairing, taking what originally seemed like 2011’s most cynically conceived release and turning it into one of it’s most inspired, especially considering how different it is to either’s back catalogue. Levine’s scrawny torso in the accompanying clip was a mild cause for concern, but that’s probably just down to Aguilera eating the contents of the shoot’s Catering Van. And, quite possibly from the looks of it, the actual Van.
The Glenny Guide To… The Top 50 Tracks of the Year : 40 – 31
AND, so on to Part 2 of our countdown. Now that some of my more guilty pleasures (Ke$ha, Kim Kardashian, etc) it’s time to get on to some more credible artists. Like Will Young or, umm, Cher Lloyd. No! Wait! Come back..
40 : Disco Blisters and a Comedown – Nicola Roberts
While Kathy Beth Terry may have released the most popular party anthem of 2011, little Nicola Roberts from Runcorn issued the best. The b-side to Beat Of My Drum was like Lily Allen on Amyl, a hilariously debauched tale of heavy partying, one night stands, bad fake tans and morning regret. Skip to any spot in the song to find a corker of a lyric. While “sent my best friend home, looks like she’s been tango-ed” is a winner, our personal favourite is the chorus’s “why do the lights in the Kebab Shop make this guy look less hot, he’s looking like John Prescott.” Which is hilarious if you know who John Prescott is.. Why this was only a b-side is beyond us..
39 : You And I – Lady Gaga
In between hatching from eggs, rolling around naked in Cheerios and turning herself into a mermaid, Lady Gaga somehow managed to find the time to release a couple of amazing tunes. Now, sure, Born This Way the album felt like an epileptic having a seizure in a mixing booth in parts, but there is no denying that some of the music was brilliant. While she may have drowned out some of the sweeter, more sincere edges of this in some overheated barroom stomp like a second rate Def Leppard cover band, the lyrics and melody on this are some of the best she’s ever done. Strip this back to just a piano and you’d have a Top 10 contender but, even when Gaga is at her most over-inspired, she’s still pretty special. Bonus points for having head and shoulders the best video of this album campaign as well.
38 : Swagger Jagger – Cher Lloyd
Little known fact of 2011 – Cher Lloyd actually recorded it’s best song. Unfortunately, she also managed to record it’s worst. Then she meshed them both into the same song. And voila – we have whatever the fuck a ‘swagger jagger’ is. The verses on this are actually pretty brilliant and the part where she turns her voice into an air raid siren is inspired. But the ‘My Darling Clementine’ aping chorus is the worst appropriation of an old movie score since Gwen Stefani took the corpse of The Lonely Goatherd and raped it repeatedly for three and half minutes. Sure, Cher hops around like a bug-eyed hyperactive Manga carton in the video, but she’s still one of the most exciting pop stars to come onto the scene all year.
The Glenny Guide To… The Top 50 Tracks of the Year : 50 – 41
Well, it’s that time of year again, where Glenny goes through his annual list of his favourite tracks of the year that’s past. Anything that was either came out this year or received a single release is eligible. There’s a balance between songs that I critically respect the most and just some that struck the biggest personal chord with me, but they’re all amazing in their own way. ENJOY!
50 : Enemy – Melanie C
Well, an eight and a half minute bombastic piano ballad was hardly the thing anyone wanted from the artist formerly known as Sporty Spice in 2011. In fact, she’s been creatively on a downward spiral since 2005’s amazing Better Alone. But something about motherhood seems to agreed with Miss Chisholm who, out of nowhere, seems to have released the best album of her career. Basically, it’s Ray Of Light-lite, but the sweeping strings and lush orchestral arrangements on show here are really something special. In fact, right down to the closing note, the track never once outstays it’s welcome. (Check out also title track and album opener The Sea – it was a toss up which would get this slot, but both are hauntingly amazing).
49 : Friday – Rebecca Black
Sure. There’s no denying that this is as much a contender for Worst Song Of The Year as much as it is for Best, but there is something so irresistibly infectious about this ode to cereal, school and that paralysing fear that comes over every child when having to choose which seat on the bus they want to take. Sure, she sounds like Dexter The Love Robot on a meth binge, but that’s just all part of the charm. By the time her part in the Last Friday Night clip rolled around, Black’s natural charisma made you wonder just how capable she might be if given the right material. Or at least access to a producer who doesn’t have such an uncomfortable autotune fetish.
48 : Love On Top – Beyonce
Despite a track called Countdown, a new album called 4 and releasing what, at last count, seems like 2700 different singles from it, the only number that seemed to elude Solange’s older sister in 2011 was that elusive number one. Now, in the spirit of blogging honesty, I HATED this song the first time I heard. In fact, the next 50 times after that (thanks Spencer Bear), I still felt the same. But then sometime, about a month ago, it just clicked with me. A gloriously retro old school soul throwback that shuffles along with all the sunshine of a lost Jackson 5 track it proved that, when she just relaxed and stopped trying so hard, she could still hit pop gold. Now, if she could just sort out the Curious Case of Her Magically Collapsing Pregnancy Bump..
The Glenny Guide To.. The Seven Best Movies To Watch This Christmas
Look, I love The Miracle On 34th Street as much as the next homo. But sometimes it’s nice to spend Christmas remembering a world post-technicolour. It’s easy at this time of year to mistake Black & White colouring for true sentiment. Every year I have a handful of ‘must-watches’. It started as two, then three and now has spiralled to about seven. And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why Glenn always gains five pounds over the holiday season. This year I’m about to introduce Elf to the mix and watch it for the very first time. I have my hopes up, because I have a secret crush on Will Ferrell (well, Stranger Than Fiction Ferrell anyway – Step Brothers Ferrell? Not so much..) and Zooey Deschanel has had my heart ever since her ‘and this song explains why I’m leaving home to become a stewardess’ monologue in Almost Famous. I’ve been listening to the She & Him Christmas album all day (suck on that Buble) and YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BUY IT BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME. Plus, my Mum thought it was KD Lang and I’m pretty sure that’s a positive endorsement if I ever heard one.
So, if you’re bored over the holiday season, here are seven of Glenny’s Christmas Modern Day Klassics that you should totally hunker down with some eggnog, pie and man candy (or any combination of the three) and get to know. Some have more tenuous Christmas connections than others, but for me they are all very essential holiday viewing. ENJOY! (Click on the titles of each of them for a youtube clip of Christmas Amazingness).
07 – The Nightmare Before Christmas
Tim Burton’s ground-breaking stop motion fantasy managed to bleed the two best holidays in the world – Christmas and Halloween – into one stunningly dark and beautiful piece of film-making that is just as breath taking now as it was 18 years ago. With a fantastic score, terrific voice acting and a pitch perfect tone, it’s a perfect Christmas movie for anyone eight to eighty.
Glenny From The Block’s Greatest Hits : 2011 Edition
SO! It’s almost been a full year since I set this puppy up. Have to say, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever end up with more than five people reading it. And, even then, I figured three of those would be my Mum. Considering how irredeemably awful the past month has been, I thought it would be a good time to sit back and reflect on some of the better things I’ve done this year and look back at the ten entries I’m the most proud of. Otherwise known as the five minutes where I started reading a self help book and am trying to be less of a Grinch about myself. In my defence though, it’s the BETHENNY FRANKEL SELF HELP BOOK, so it’s not all triteness and lame.
Anyway, here are (in no real particular order), the twelve entries I’m the most proud of as a writer and / or blogger (NB – not always the same thing). If this is your first time here, it’s a pretty good place to start. ENJOY!
01 – A Makeshift Amy Winehouse Best Of To Remember All The Good She Gave To The World
Still one of the most sincere things I’ve ever written and one of my favourites. Literally managed to get this done in about an hour. Sometimes I write pop culture stuff trying to, for lack of a better word, capitalize on the immediacy of an issue (Princess Beatrice’s Hat, Vodafone’s General Awfulness for example) but this was something that I was pretty much compelled to write out of basically the sense of grief I felt on hearing the news that one of my idols had passed. I wanted to write something that was both respectful to a legend but also something that could provide comfort to people feeling the same thing I was feeling. Based on the feedback I got, I think I succeeded.
02 – 36 Pictures Of Christina Aguilera Looking AWFUL
And, on the flipside, this was probably both the cattiest and the most enjoyable thing I’ve done to date. Because Christina Aguilera is pretty much just THE WORST. And the wealth of awful pictures available is just astounding.
03 – Why Is Everyone So Afraid Of Ending Up Alone?
One of the big things I wanted to be able to do was surprisingly, not be Perez Hilton Lite, but to be able to fine tune my writing skills again after letting them atrophy for so long. As some of my oldest friends know, I’ve had a blog since was back before the word blog was ever invented, back when it was underground and anonymous. One of my favourite things was writing something totally honest and personal and being able to have people relate to it from all over the world, to provide comfort or just to get people thinking. This got picked up on http://www.samesame.com.au and the feedback I got through that really blew my mind. It really struck a chord with people in a way that I never imagined. Mostly because I wrote it in about 30 minutes with no audience in mind, it was just something that was kind of gnawing at the back of my brain.
04 – Things You See That You Can Never Unsee – Aubrey O’Day Edition
This cracks me up because, until recently, it was the single most read post I’ve ever done. Which is hilarious considering all it is is a truly bizarre picture of a C-grade celebrity with a magic disappearing vagina. But it’s a hypnotic picture, truly horrifying. Sometimes it’s the pieces that you put the lease effort in that do the best. Basically, it’s the american way.
05 – Drunk Live Blogging The Glee Season 2 Finale
I get a rough trot for promoting my rampant alcoholism from my friends on this blog. But sometimes it produces pieces of insane comedy gold, like this, which devolves into a completely non-sensical take down of the awful (AWFUL) season 2 finale of Glee. Literally, the last sentence is basically “ahowfihabfukaj*burp*”. It wasn’t even intended as a live blog, it was just my notes typed while watching the episode, so the whole thing is a happy accident, like one out of every three children born these days. But it’s retarded beauty is a thing to behold. Or mock. Mocking is fine too..
06 – The Most Exciting 23 Seconds Of Music You’ll Hear All Year
I remember reading this after I posted it and feeling like, for the first time, what I wrote actually sounded like it could have come from a real life professional music blog, instead of just coming across as the byproduct of Amateur Hour at the local internet cafe. It’s nothing special, nothing comprehensive. It’s just a little piece that reads really well and marks the first time I really felt like I was alright at this blogging malarkey.
07 – Single White Meals – Chilli, Lemon & Thyme Pork Edition
Anyone who knows me knows food and cooking are pretty much my biggest passion outside of Sex and The Tweedycole. While other meals I’ve posted have looked better, sounded more appetizing or, you know, just received twice as many hits, this is one that I think best represents what I was trying to do with the Single White Meals concept and what I’ll be doing a lot more of in the New Year. Plus, it’s pretty much the fucking tastiest thing I cook, ever.
Probably my greatest writing love of all is writing music. And even though this isn’t the best overall song I’ve ever written, it’s one of my favourites. And it’s one I keep coming back to on a personal level myself. And it’s just so timely right now. I just love this more than pretty much anything – it’s just the right mix of wistful, bitter and sweet and it’s about a single moment in time that was so special to me. One of the most honest songs I’ve ever written.
09 – Ranking The Past 21 Survivor Winners From Worst To First
This is the kind of article I need to write more of. If I could get paid to spend the rest of my life doing pieces like that, I’d die a very happy man. I’d put it higher on here but the picture formatting is fucked and really ramshackle. But it’s still a total geekgasm for me to do. And just reading this convinced a handful of my non-fan friends to go and watch the show, which is all a writer could ever ask for..
10 – An Idiots Guide To The Top 10 Moments Of The Scream Series To Date
Another piece that I love just because I managed to so clearly articulate my love and passion for something in a piece that still read both entertainingly and professionally. It’s probably the one that people shared the most on facebook, which was really cool. Plus, I kind of wrote the whole thing with my friend Em in mind, so it holds a really sentimental place for me in my heart. I hope she got to read it somewhere, cuz I think she would have LOVED it.
11 – Jill Zarin Tries Hand At Catwalk Modelling, Becomes Centre Of Orbit For Gay Cosmic Debris
I just love the absurdity of this. I had a really dry and surreal sense of humor, and this really encapsulated it so well. Plus, I just love me some Jill ZAAAAAAAARIN!
12 – The 22 Best Shirtless Photos Of Ryan Kwanten On The Interwebs
Just BECAUSE.
Anyways Kidlets – I’d better get ready for Christmas Eve dinner now. But expect an influx of posts over the next few days as I have like seven pretty much ready to go. I’m on holidays AND have escaped the Hamster Wheel Of Never Ending Doom job that I’ve been consumed by the past few months, so it’s BAU here again. Enjoy and, most importantly, THANKS!
In Loving Memory of Colin Campbell : 19/03/1920 – 15/12/2011
Now, I generally don’t like to get too heavy on here. Normally, when things get sad or depressing, I’ll just go quiet for a few weeks. Or, you know, spend a couple of hours aimlessly bashing Christina Aguilera. But it would be remiss of me if I didn’t take a second to mark the passing of my Grandfather, who sadly passed away last Thursday at the ripe old age of 91.
I just flew back from Brisbane this morning after the funeral. I actually had to not only write a piece to speak at it, but was also given the responsibility of basically doing the eulogy, which was about one hundred million times harder than I could ever have imagined. How do you sum up 91 years of someone’s life? Especially when that person genuinely lived an amazing life filled with equal parts love and adventure, more than most people see anywhere outside of a movie theatre? Literally, until the night before, I was basically sitting at my computer paralyzed with nothing but the word Eulogizer running through my head over and over to the tune of Womanizer by Britney Spears. Seriously, I was like the midway point of The Shining, but without all the overacting.
Because I’m actually really lucky. My Grandfather was a truly great man. He was a war hero. He and my Grandmother were also basically second parents to me growing up. Everything this man did since he conceived my mother in 1955 onwards plays the greatest part in who I am today and I’ve always been so incredibly grateful for that. And he really was just such a genuinely fine, decent, funny and kind man that I will always be so, so very proud of.
Anyway, this is the abridged version of what I wrote that we included in the memorial handouts for the funeral :-
the from the block blog 