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19 New Name Suggestions For Greatest (Non-Girls Aloud) Girlband Of All Time – The SUGABABES

January 6, 2012

EXTREMELY GOOD NEWS ALERT!  Esteemed music blog Popjustice (ie – kind of like this blog is some of the time, if, during those times, we were seven hundred million times funnier and better informed) is reporting that original Sugababes line-up of Keisha! Siobahn! Mutya! is quietly reforming after all, at various times, either quitting, being forced out of or literally being fired from the Holy Grail Of Vocal Harmony Girl Bands Sugababes.  Having been through more line-up changes than Lindsay Lohan has had Parole Officers, the once all-conquering girl band is now wallowing in a squalid bed made of tabloid inches, reality shows and hideously-hued PVC costumes.

Now, besides this being the BEST IDEA IN THE HISTORY OF TIME, EVER, it poses a small problem for music geeks and legal types all round.  While none of the existing line up remains in the band, there are still two drag queens and a badly-dressed horse hanging around taking up use of the almight ‘Sugababes’ moniker.  So what is a gaggle of record-label rejects to do?  Rebrand OF COURSE!

So, in the spirit of Goodwill, here are a few ideas on monikers the girls could take advantage of (we won’t even do a Deni Hines and try and ask for royalties from it at the last minute.  Mister Bouris?  Mister BOOOOUUURIS?) :-

  1. Version 1.0
  2. The First Babes Club
  3. SB3
  4. The Suga Girls (like The Spice Girls!  Get it?  GETIT????!)
  5. The Old Babes Home
  6. The Suga-Bitches
  7. Sugababes With Dirty Faces (actually, Angels With Dirty Faces would ACTUALLY be legitimately quite good)
  8. Sugababes Aloud (Except For Heidi, Amelle and Jade Because We Think They’re Awful)
  9. Overloaded
  10. Version One-der Babes
  11. Fuck You Keisha, This Was All Your Fault To Being With-ababes
  12. Stationery-Babes
  13. All Saints (Oh, wait..)
  14. I Can’t Believe It’s Not The Sugababes
  15. An unpronouncable symbol (and henceforth referred to in print as TAFKATS aka The Artists Formerly Known As The Sugababes)
  16. We All Left To Pursue Solo Careers But Got Dropped By Our Respective Labels So Decided To Give This Girl Group Bizzo Another Go-ababes
  17. Don’t You Think Jade Kind Of Looks Like A Horse With Badly Cut Bangs-ababes
  18. Suga-Mamas
  19. Everyone Knows That Siobahn Is Going To Just Walk Off On Us Again In 9 Months To Record Some More Moody Indie-Pop-ababes

NB – Popjustice’s suggestions of Origababes, One Touch or ICONABABES are all infinitely better, etc etc..

Anyway, here’s Version 1.0’s brilliant debut single Overload :-



And, of course, the spine-tinglingly beautiful Run For Cover :-



ANYWAY!  Any other ideas?  Thoughts?  Suggestions?

(also – for the record, Version 2.0 with Heidi was pretty awesome as well, but it was all down hill once Moo-Tya left.  But, seriously, the harmonies of 1.0 were OFF. THE. HOOK.)

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