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Things You See That You Can Never Unsee – Steven Tyler Has Them Moobs Like Jagger (and a Face Like Janice Dickinson) Edition

January 4, 2012

Rock Legend, American Idol and All Round Hollywood Homeless Person was spotted on Hawaii yesterday rocking the most serious set of man boobs seen since Hurley and his finished up on Lost last year.  I mean, these things are just things of sagging, manly beauty.

In itself, they’d probably be respectable enough for a ‘Man of a Certain Age’ (if, by ‘a certain age’ you were venturing into the triple digits) but, I mean, LOOK :-


Steven Tyler – breast fed Liv Tyler until the age of four.  POP FACT.

Let’s count all the things wrong with this picture..

  1. The MOOBS.  Dude might want to consider getting those puppies some support, can’t be good for his back.
  2. Camouflage Speedos look good on NO ONE.  If you want to hide your junk, don’t wear speedos.
  3. The painted fingernails make him look like he’s on his way to Hot Topic.
  4. He’s gone more overboard on the Native American jewelry than Countess Luann.
  5. A sarong?  Sure, WHY NOT?
  6. Then there is the slight matter that he resembles a Lesbian after a 3 Day Crystal Meth Binge (otherwise known as Kim Richards with a dye job).


Steven Tyler – Coming up next on AMERICA’S NEXT TOP METH FACE..

Also, I’m sure I’m like ten years behind the eight ball with this one (as opposed to Steven Tyler, who looks like he’s had several of them), but have you ever noticed how he looks eerily similar to Janice Dickinson?  I mean, seriously – have they ever been seen IN THE SAME PLACE?  It’s just like those BUPA ads, except I can’t work out which one is the healthy version.

Here’s a handy Side by Side comparison :-




Uncanny, hey?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 27, 2016 4:20 pm

    Could be a lot worse. I’d much rather look at Steven Tyler and his little breasts than the male pattern baldness, beer guts, and nauseatingly excessive body hair of most men his age. That being said, I do so wish that Speedo had a top piece as well…

  2. June 27, 2016 4:31 pm

    It would really look good on him if he tied one of his colorful scarves over them to make a bikini top, and suit his style.

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