Wow. I woke up to the news this morning of The Winehouse’s untimely passing and it’s taken until now to really get an sort of semblance of thought together about it. There’s a lot of things you can write in times like these – admonishments, eulogies, hypocritically glowing tributes.. But, in the end, all that I think deserves to be remembered right now is the music. Because, in all fairness, HOW FUCKING GOOD WAS IT?
Seriously, besides Twitter, Gaga and Kate Middleton, my generation hasn’t contributed a lot of things to history just yet. But I can be safe in the knowledge that the musical canon of Amy Winehouse is something to be cherished, enjoyed and remembered forever, both for her works as a singer AND a songwriter of amazing depth and brilliance.
I’ve been lucky to not lose a lot of my creative heroes yet at this point in my life and I genuinely don’t even know how I feel about todays events. All I can remember is randomly mail-ordering some CD of amazon in 2003 because Q Magazine described some unknown as having the ‘voice of a jazz great, the soul of a singer-songwriter and the beats of the Beastie Boys’. Or the young songstress who could knock back a bottle of wine and still perform a flawless set at The Brixton in 2004. Or the charmingly bedraggled woman who tried to bum a cigarette off me whilst waiting in line for her own secret showcase to start in 2006, right before Rehab came out and blew her out of the stratosphere.
Say what you want about the life of Amy Winehouse, but you can’t listen to the following makeshift Best Of and deny that she didn’t bring something so impossibly special into a lot of people’s lives…
In happier times :-
STRONGER THAN ME
The first single off 2003’s landmark debut Frank, Amy admonishes a weak-willed suitor with a dismissive kiss off ‘you should be stronger than me’ over what would become her trademarks ‘trumpets and hip-hop beats’ sound.
Key Lyric – “Feel like a Lady, and you my Lady Boy..”
REHAB
The song that turned one of the most exciting singer-songwriters of the decade into a worldwide Grammy-hoarding juggernaut. Whilst this will now be forever doomed as a piece of musical prophecy, the thrillingly honest lyrics and joyous instrumentation help cement what would become a voice of a generation.
Key Lyric – “I don’t never wanna drink again. I just need a friend. And I don’t wanna spend ten weeks – have everyone think I’m on the mend..”
I HEARD LOVE IS BLIND
If Stronger Than Me is her introduction and Rehab is her legacy then this, a simple and unadorned confessional from her debut, is the first sign that the barely 18 year old Winehouse was a songwriter on the rise. A starkly brutal but tender confessional to a cheated upon boyfriend, it showed the agony of love in a way so few twice her age have managed to articulate. For our money, this is the best song she’s ever done.
Key Lyric – “Why’re you so upset? Baby, you weren’t there and I was thinking of you when I came..”
Seven Lady Gaga Covers That Trump The Originals..
In honour of The Capital Children’s Choir (or something) covering the Lady Gaga (semi) hit Judas last week, it struck us how bloody good Miss Germanotta’s songs sound either stripped back, rearranged or reimagined as country and western numbers. Whether you’re fully aboard the Gaga Train or not, there is no denying that the sign of a truly talented songwriter is someone who can write a melody that transcends any genre or arrangement.
So, without further ado, here are Seven examples of why Lady Gaga’s pop trifles are stronger pieces of songwriting than many give credit for :-
JUDAS – The Capital Children’s Choir
An amazing choral version of an amazingly B-A-N-A-N-A-S pop song. The best part is watching an underage children’s choir trying to get around lines like ‘dead hooker prostitute wench’ and whatever that thing about ‘ear condoms’ was.. The choral arrangement works surprisingly well for what is basically the most melodramatic single Gaga has released (since the last one).
EDGE OF GLORY – Kevin Jonas
Look, we generally like to make fun of Jonas Brothers the way we like to make fun of female Republicans trying for a shot of the Presidency, but the tone and melodic shift in this version really bring a level of soul to a song that had always slightly just been missing *that* magical quality. Top marks Jonas Brother, top marks.
Britney Leaks New Hot Mess of a Gimme More Video Online; Renders Previous Hot Mess of a Gimme More Clip Obsolete..
Everybody remembers the Gimme More video clip being released in 2007. It’s like the Britney Spears equivalent of Madonna’s Like A Prayer except, instead of Sexy Black Jesus and Cancelled Multi-Million Pepsi Contracts, it was drugged out dancing, sluggish stripteases and the worst set of ill-fitting wigs this side of Cher in Burlesque. But, as a Britney Spears pop culture moment, it was one of the most defining.
Then, a few weeks later, we got the amazingly dead-eyed MTV Awards performance (which, for the record, she looked kinda sexy in) and a twelve month rollercoaster of head-shaving, property destroying, psychiatric ward-courting brilliance. The fact that this all coincided with what is arguably the one start to finish flawless piece of music that Spears has ever released is one of the big conundrums of the music industry at large. If the woman only produces reliably creative pop music when she’s going B-A-N-A-N-A-S, why are we trying to keep her away from the lines of crushed up Adderall?
Basically, the 2007 clip for Gimme More is the four minutes that the phrase ‘Hot Mess’ was coined to describe. Rumors have long persisted that Spears literally funded and shot the clip on a whim herself one weekend, hence the joyously coked out amateur hour feel of the whole thing. Still, one has always wondered how it made it through the record company assembly line and into the public consciousness. It’s at least comforting to know that the original clip was ever so less ridiculously awful. Sure, she’s still staggering around like a two bit hooker stuck in a K-hole, but at least it works as a clip, albeit one with the production values of a Rebecca Black video.
Anyways, without further ado, here is the ‘Directors Cut’ of the infamous Gimme More video :-
JOKE OF THE DAY – What Do You Get If You Dip a Girl Aloud in Tango and Electrocute Her?
ANSWER – Nadine Coyle performing at a private party at Manhattan gay hotspot Splash trying to resuscitate the dying corpse of her solo career.
Sure, that wasn’t so much as a joke but, seriously, WTF Nadine? It’s like Jersey Shore went to the Circus. I’m all for ridiculousness in pop music (after all – it’s meant to be FUN), but you look like a Little Britain caricature. At best.
To be honest, I’ve always liked Nadine. Sure, she’s only the fourth best member of Girls Aloud (after Kimberley, Cheryl and Nicola, obvs) but she’s always been oddly endearing. Between the adorably incomprehensible accent and the gloriously nonchalant disregard she’s had for the actual business of being a popstar, she’s been as much an integral member of The Aloud as any. Which is what makes the dismal quality and general half-assedness of her solo output all the more disappointing. She may be the undisputed voice of Girls Aloud, but her solo campaign has been the musical equivalent of The Emporor’s New Clothes.
Anyways, as much as a dissertation on the inadequacies Nadine Coyle’s solo career would be PERFECT Sunday Night reading, all this text is getting in the way of glorious, glorious photo’s of Nadine looking like a poor, orange electrocuted clown.
To wit :-
YOU CAN’T MISTAKE MY DRAG QUEEN-OLOGY!
5 Things You Never Knew About Cristiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo is evidently in LA at the moment training with Real Madrid. In honour of him arriving in the land of the paparazzo, here is a recently snapped photocap of five things you didn’t know about Cristiano Ronaldo that you probably should know about Cristiano Ronaldo. SPOILER ALERT – Most of them have to do with his Ball Skills..
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BB13’s Jeff Goes on Homophobic (and Anti-Wizarding) Rant – Has Another Celebrity Boyfriend Bitten the Dust?
So, America’s Favourite Houseguess 2009 Jeff Schroeder went on what can only be described as an ignorantly shocking homophobic rant on the live feeds the other day. Which is sad in a lot of ways, not only because we enjoyed a satisfying but brief relationship for a few weeks in 2009 when he was my official Celebrity Boyfriend (clearly he wasn’t aware of this), but because, to this point, Jeff has always seemed like a really all round nice guy.
Perhaps the most shocking part is that the argument didn’t stem from anything fellow housemate Lawon (aka the single most awful gay on reality television year to date) did, but instead arose from a conversation with Kalia about the Harry Potter books and the sexuality of Hogwarts Headmaster (and all round bad ass) Dumbledore.
Here’s a transcript below :-
Jeff : Who’s Dumbledore?” That’d be perverted. How was he made to be gay, though? He doesn’t have any gay tendencies. Besides, ‘Hey, Harry, let me feel your balls.’
Kalia : Maybe that’s just for people like you who think that stereotypes around gay people…
Jeff : What do you mean stereotypes around gay people? He’s in a school of little kids; you don’t want make that guy gay.
Kalia : Why?
Jeff : What do you mean, why?
Kalia : Gay men can’t work with little kids?
Jeff : I don’t think it’s the right thing to have a little kids’ book, and have the headmaster that you’re locked away in a magical land be gay. I don’t think that’s the right thing to do. I can see your PC view, but I don’t think it’s the right thing to do.
(later)
Jeff : You know exactly what I’m saying; don’t make it seem like you’re doing the right thing by saying that it’s not. You’re going to let a story book, where they go to fantasy camp, and it’s all little kids without their parents and the guy is gay.
Kalia : Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him
Jeff : Get the fuck out of here, don’t start with that fucking shit. Don’t tell me the right answer for fucking TV, when you don’t think it’s the right answer.
Kalia : I’m not. You know why? Because my little sister’s gay.
Jeff : I don’t give a fuck if your little sister’s gay. Think about what it is.
Kalia : But I don’t understand. I truly don’t understand..
Jeff : You truly don’t understand? Well, I don’t understand either.
Why Is Everyone So Afraid Of Ending Up Alone?
With all the turning 30 business that I have coming up next month, a lot of conversations with friends lately have skewed around life plans and the next decade and all of that kind of stuff. A common thread I’ve noticed to speaking to a lot of people has been this preoccupation with finding a life partner and how directly their own feelings of success are so closely tied to achieving said goal. Like seriously? Am I the only one out there who doesn’t feel that way at all?
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not one of those gays that is a slave to the single life or anything like that. I really, truly would love to find someone who I could spend the rest of my life with one day. But the idea of not finding that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. If you ask me, the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone who is not quite the one just for the sake of it is an infinitely more petrifying thought.
I went to a friends birthday party the other day and he had a Fortune Teller there. Now, the guy did the whole Tarot Card reading thing and, funnily enough, of the thirteen cards I picked, not a single one was a romance related card at all. In fact, evidently the primary card I pulled had to do with the fact that I’m “Independent, Intelligent and Strategic” which, to be honest, is a pretty fair assessment of me, albeit one that anyone with half a brain and eye for observation could probably tell about me just watching me walk into a room.
Funnily enough, it completely backed up what a Psychic said to me a few months ago, that everything in my immediate future points towards being by myself and achieving career related goals. And really, why is this such a bad thing? I mean, I’m not some sort of dead eyed careerist or anything, like some sort of big shouldered, power suited stereotype from an eighties movie, but I do have things that I really want to achieve in my life for myself still before I can feel like a true success in life.
I guess the thing is, whilst I’m never not open to the idea of a relationship in theory, I don’t think there’s any point in meeting the love of your life when you’re still only half a person. Because once I really am in love with someone, they’re pretty much my number one, which means I’ll never have the drive to focus on my writing and what I could still very easily accomplish with it.
Manhattan Michael was the only guy ever that I imagined both goals could ever feasibly coexist. Mostly because he had not just the ambition and drive, but the same (if not higher) level of belief in my music and my writing abilities as I, in my wildest dreams, did. In a lot of ways, I’ll always be tremendously sad that things worked out the way they did on that one, but it’s not something that I can let hold me back in life either, especially since I learnt some pretty cool stuff out of it.
The thing is, I look at my life right now and I’m so fucking proud of where I am and what I’ve achieved. Which is not to say I don’t have a long, long ways to go, but just that I feel a level of completeness about how I’ve spent the past 29 and 11/12th years of my life to date. And I can look at my path for the next twelve months and feel such excitement for what I’m on the road to being able to achieve. I can’t think of anything worse than sitting in this same chair in ten years time looking down the barrel 40 and wondering “what if?” That would just be THE WORST. Right now, when I look at all the things I’ve managed to do in my life to date, I feel so proud that I’ve managed to not just do them, but do them on my own, and that’s a pretty amazing feeling. You get a real sense of confidence from that, like the social equivalent of knowing that you can survive on a desert island or something.
I guess, at the end of the day, if you can’t be happy by yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be happy with you? Until the end of last year, I was literally single for almost two whole years without a break and I didn’t once feel inadequate about it. I wish I could help more of my friends feel the same. When I sit here in my apartment right now, overlooking one of the most beautiful views in all of Sydney and reflecting on my life at this very moment and all the things that lay ahead, my heart is so full of happiness and contentment that I could cry. It’s a nice feeling..
Initial Impressions of the Big Brother 13 Premiere
So, (American) Summers guiltiest TV pleasure just started back up for the next three months. And I, for one, could not be happier. Sure, it lacks somewhat the hardcore gameplay and authenticity of Survivor, but what it lacks in credibility it makes up for in crazy-crazy people and the most absurdly sexual challenges this side of cable porn.
Here are my quick observations from today’s premiere. Bear with me since I’m stuck at home sick with some godawful throat infection which is CLEARLY God’s way of telling me I need to be pickier about what I put down my throat :-
UGH. HE’S ALREADY THE WORST.
- Lawon looks like someone got stuck in an explosion in a Fabric Sample Sale
- I’d forgot how Rachel’s cackle makes the idea of nails down a chalkboard sound soothing.
- Nobody has brought up the Brendan cheating scandal from last year. Which is a shame since it would have been a great excuse to link to all those pictures of him waiving his doodle around on the interwebs.. Oh, WAIT.
Nicola Roberts dropped the second b-side today for upcoming (second best) song of the year Beat Of My Drum this morning and expectations for upcoming album Cinderella’s Eyes just reached an even more fevered pitch. Now, not only is Disco Blisters and a Comedown a contender for song title of the year, but it features the AMAZING line in the chorus of “Why do the lights in the kebab shop make this guy look less hot? He’s looking like John Prescott..”
Which, basically, means he looks something like this :-
Or, worse even, this :-
Clearly, either way, one of the best pop putdowns of the year. Take note Gaga, take note..
The song itself is kind of brilliant as well, which makes you almost fearful for the quality of the upcoming album if the two tracks leaked to date are only good enough to be b-sides. This clearly could shape up to be the BEST POP ALBUM OF ALL TIME. Kind of like how Born This Way was meant to be but wasn’t.
Congratulations Cher Lloyd, You’ve Managed To Release What Is Very Likely The Best AND Worst Song Of 2011.
So, Cher Lloyd finally dropped her long awaited solo debut track on Saturday. And I’m not going to lie – it’s a confusing affair. Mostly because it’s been 48 hours and I still have no fucking clue what a ‘Swagger Jagger’ is and because she has somehow managed to record the best and worst record of 2011 (a feeling somewhat akin to that moment you realize that Tik Tok by Ke$ha is as genius as it is awful..)
Which is not to say that Swagger Jagger is a total trainwreck of a track, just that it’s good bits are AMAZING, but it’s low points are what we like to call THE WORST. If you thought the latest Lady Gaga album was a bit confusing quality-wise then this will pretty much make your head explode. Which, in all fairness, may be a preferable experience to that of having to listen to the positively godawful My Darling Clementine sampling chorus of Swagger Jagger. It’s one thing for a developing female popstar to play dress-ups in Gwen Stefani’s musical wardrobe, it’s quite another to resurrect the ghost of Wind It Up and try to make it even worse.
And credit where credit is due, it sounds EXACTLY like one would expect a Cher Lloyd track to sound like. It’s definitely a natural progression for the little gypsy girl who auditioned at last year’s X-Factor and emerged as one of the frontrunners. It’s unfortunate that the unhealthy level of borderline obnoxious self-possession that is pretty much a necessity for a real pop star to succeed (see also – Madonna, Lady Gaga) is such a turn off when laid bare for TV Viewers week in and week out.
There are some absolutely amazing parts to the song, namely :-
- The verses
- The groundbreaking use of various social media types as a verb in a pop song
- The best use of a siren in pop music since Beyonce unleashed Ring The Alarm five years ago
- The ‘get on the floor’ hook is AMAZING.
- That Birds Nest hairdo, which would make even The Tweedycole proud.
- It’s basically catchy as fuck.
UNFORTUNATELY, there’s also :-
- The chorus, which is basically unforgivably inane.
- The video where, instead of cementing her street cred, she jumps around bug-eyed for three and half minutes, like some sort of hyperactive Anime character on a sugar high.
- That Birds Nest hairdo, which is enough to house at least seven different types of endangered wildlife.
- A general lack of any guidance or explanation as to what a ‘Swagger’ ‘Jagger’ is and how one can actually get one of their very own. Like, if you’re going to sing a ‘message’ song, let’s get some brand clarity first. Maybe it’s something you can pick up at your local Tescos? Or maybe it’s an STD? Who knows..
Here’s the clip so you can see for yourself :-
Life is a funny thing. You can just wake up sometimes and know in your gut that it’s going to be a good day, there are just little signs. Sometimes it’s a rainbow, or getting a series of green lights on the way to work. For me, it’s waking up to a new Countess Luann video release.
Now, it’s easy to make fun of The Countess’s current music career. Lord knows I, on occasion, have. But to her credit, Money Can’t Buy You Class was a fucking TUNE (and my 34th favourite song of last year don’t forget) and, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get past the fact that she’s clearly having a so much fun. Which, in turn, is SO FUN.
Here’s a (sober) run down of the highlights :-
0:06 – “This is The Countess Speaking..” You can already tell this is going to be AMAZING.
0:18 – Jill and Kelly and Luann all sashaying at incredibly different speeds, like the bridesmaids trying to walk to ABBA in Muriels Wedding
0:34 – Countess Brand Champagne! Fuck Ramona Pinot up the ass, I want this NOW.
0:42 – Kelly is actually quite good at this. Guess that must be one of the side affects of being a bi-polar drug addict with a double digit IQ..
0:52 – Forever changing the pronunciation of the word ‘Elegance’. AMAZING. “Ele-GAAAAAANNCE!” Clearly I missed that chapter in ‘Class With The Countess’.
0:54 – Jill looks MORTIFIED.
0:57 – The Countess, meanwhile, looks like a DRAG QUEEN. Literally. Like, I don’t know if this is some sort of meta moment where she’s pulled out one of New York’s finest performers and subbed him into the clip or what.
1:11 – That off-Tangerine jacket REALLY needs to go..
1:18 – Naww, Jill is just as bad at pretending to listen in a music video as she is in real life..
1:23 – Jill Zarin – STOP LOOKING DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA.
1:42 – Guess we can add ‘awkward up the nose close ups in the back of a limousine’ to the list of ‘Things That Are NOT The Countesses Best Friends’. I’m sure Ramona Singer, The Count, Camels everywhere and The Townsfolk of Quogue will be happy to keep them company..
1:50 – The fat bald DJ dancing in the background should replace Cindy in the new season..
2:06 – I’m pretty sure she just called Sonja a slut in song. Sonja will love that, hopefully this will ease the rift between Team Blonde and Team Brunette..
2:12 – More of Jill’s endearing Grandma dancing. Clearly Gloria has taught her a thing or two.
2:29 – I don’t know what these ‘Countess Cards’ entitle one too but I WANT TO FIND OUT.
2:40 – Oh, the DJ is playing Roulette now. OF COURSE.
2:46 – The amazing patented Haughty Countess Laugh. Amazing.
See? SO FUN. I mean, it’s no Money Can’t Buy You Class, but what is these days? Plus, unlike the rest of the ‘musically’ inclined Housewives, at least she’s working within a niche that suits both her image and her vocal range (ie – sexy spoken word). Clearly she’s having a ball, so why shouldn’t you? Gold Star Countess Luann, Gold Star.
So, a rather enlightening Daily Telegraph article relating to one Ryan Kwanten got published the other day. And not enlightening due to it’s content, obviously, because it’s basically a retarded newspaper written for those who are borderline retarded. But enlightening because it happened to mention that Mr Kwanten had a GAY BROTHER WHO IS A DOCTOR LIVING IN SYDNEY. Which, let’s face it, is pretty much the jackpot when it comes to gay men in this town.
Of course, like any diligent gay man who likes to only date cute men that have IQ’s in the triple digit arena, I google imaged this gay Australian Unicorn IMMEDIATELY. Unfortunately, despite literally hours of searching, he doesn’t seem to exist (at least in picture form). What DOES exist, however, is about fifty billion shirtless photos of Ryan Kwanten that come up whenever you throw his glorious name into Google.
Now, I wouldn’t want my Lost Day at Work to go completely to waste so, Ladies and Gentlemen, here are the best 22 photos of Ryan Kwanten shirtless. This blog has had some lofty goals over the past few months, but being The Internet’s BEST Compendium of Shirtless Ryan Kwanten Pictures is surely a respectable one..
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So, the new Lady Gaga video to Edge Of Glory came out last night. Now, I’m sure there’s some sort of well thought out masterplan behind making the audio-visual equivalent of watching paint from the 1980’s dry, so as a mere mortal, we’ll leave that be. But seriously, Lady Gaga – would it kill you to just CRACK A FUCKING SMILE? Like, just once? Surely being the most famous woman on the WHOLE ENTIRE PLANET can’t be that hard. Edge Of Glory could have been this album’s Firework which, Lord knows, it could do with, so why waste it with such a Debbie Downer of a video..
WINNING.
- She’s just run out of anti-depressants and hasn’t had time to go to CVS to get a refill yet.
- She just realized that the sax solo in Last Friday Night (TGIF) is > any of the sax solos peppered through every third track on Born This Way. Being creatively owned by Katy Perry must be hard y’all.
- All she ever wanted to do was wear the Kermit the Frog dress for the rest of her life and she’s been secretly resentful to the American Public ever since.
- Evidently Teeth was meant to be ironic.
- She just saw the album artwork for Born This Way and realized that composing an album cover with her a a half human, half motorcycle hybrid musical Minotaur on Microsoft Paint basically constitutes the WORST ALBUM COVER IDEA OF ALL TIME.
- As a child, she was on Lisa Simpson’s Dental Plan and basically belongs in The Big Book Of British Smiles.
- She’s still upset that no one liked Judas (except for me, obvs, who thought it was the best song of the year til The Best Song Of The Year showed up two months later..)
- She’s seen the video clip for Edge Of Glory and realized how gloriously boring it is. But then, the whole thing devolves into a whole Being John Malkovich moment where she’s miserable in the video because she’s seen the video so she’s miserable in the video because she’s seen the video because.. MAYBE SHE’S A TIME TRAVELLER! This is just like that whole chicken egg thing if the Edge Of Glory video is the chicken and Lady Gaga’s apparent moodiness is the egg. Or is the the other way around? MY HEAD HURTS.
- It’s a silent protest against the latest Avril Lavigne song.
- She’s trying to look like she’s having even less fun than Britney Spears does these days. Which is hard to do, obvs, because Britters looks like she’s just about ready to throw herself into oncoming traffic these days..
- She realized that Clarence Clemons charges by the second and she’s basically blown the whole entire album campaign budget on one interminably long saxophone solo.
- She realized that making an overly dour video t the one even remotely joyous song on the WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING ALBUM wasn’t a great idea.
- It just sunk in that she basically commercially peaked with Telephone and now that bitch Beyonce is too busy making shit dance albums to help a sister out.
- Evidently being the single most famous woman on the face of the whole entire planet isn’t as much fun as she thought it would be?
Anyway, here’s the video. Don’t know what she’s so miserable about since, for our money, she has the best set of tits working in pop music today.
PS – JUST FUCKING SMILE WOMAN!
PPS – I would have made an Edge Of Boring joke but popjustice already beat me to it. Sadface.
An Open Letter To Delta Goodrem..
Dear Delta,
I was discussing the merits of your multi-platinum selling debut album recently and I MAY have compared to some pleasant, if slightly over-heated musical tripe designed to comfort forteen year old girls and soundtrack Tampon Commercials.
Now, it has come to my attention that Predictable, along with the title track and, to a lesser extent, Not Me Not I is AMAZING. I had indeed forgotten about this very solid, well known Pop FACT and I apologize unreservedly. It’s a total corker of an angry pop song that wouldn’t have been out of place on one of Alanis Morissette’s better albums.
Also, no matter what anyone says, In This Life and Believe Again were very, VERY good songs.
Sincerely,
Glenn
BRILLIANT. I’ve basically had this on non-stop repeat on my iPod since Tuesday.
(Drunk) Live-Blogging the Glee Season 2 Finale
It’s all downhill from here..
So! I decided to live-blog the Glee season finale because (a) I was too time poor to construct a proper review and (b) I’d heard it was so absurdly plotted that a live-blog of sassily indignant outrage may better serve everyone involved. Unfortunately, I also decided to hold a Welcome To Sydney dinner for my new favourite Canadian the same night (sorry to all my previous favourite Canadians – it was fun while it lasted, etc, etc..)
Now, some might say it was the pressure of trying to make Glee entertaining for the haterz that did me, or there’s a SMALL possibility that the bottle and a half of Merlot may have contributed to my literary downfall, but my live-blog didn’t quite turn out as planned.
THIS WAS ALL YOUR FAULT *shakes fist in air, angrily*
(Oh, who am I kidding? I can never stay mad at you. Let’s never fight – or live blog – again..)
So, instead of editing the incomprehensibly drunken mess up into a bunch of witty asides, I’ve decided to post as is as I kind of think it’s a piece of retarded beauty where you can watch my descent into complete and utter drunkeness over the course of an hour. Although, much like current Broadway Saviours Trey Parker and Matt Stone, I well and truly Blame Canada. Also, when I inevitably end up in Rehab later this year, I’m billing it to Fox..
ENJOY!
0:01 – New York, Woo
0:03 – Rachel – that outfit, really? You look like a lollipop gone bad
IN CASE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT A LOLLIPOP ON ACID WOULD LOOK LIKE DOING THE “I’M A LITTLE TEAPOT” DANCE.
- Ugh, Kurt is singing. Kill me
- Funny joke about homeless people’s butt cracks
- Why is Mr Schue wearing that hat? He looks like Andy Capp
- Oh yeha, vecuase of COURSE they;re just writing their song for nationals now. Kudos for winning the believable storytelling award of 2011 Ryan Murphy, woo.
- MY CUP. Honestly, it’s no My Headband. #justsayin
- Why is Quinn wearing a jacket made out of a giant tangerine?
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WEAR A GIANT PIECE OF OVERRIPE FRUIT TO WORK. OR SKIN A CAST MEMBER OF JERSEY SHORE.
- Oh. They’re really doing ‘I Love New York’. I was hoping this was an Urban Legend. Like Elle Fanning.
- Couldn’t just ONE of them wear nice a decent outifts?
- I literally want to kill myself right now
- AD BREAK. THANK GOD.
- mmmmmm Puck Biceps. Loses points for wearing the leftover tangerine that Quinns jacket didn’t use.
OKAY RYAN MURPHY, YOU’RE FORGIVEN. FOR NOW.
- Song from Matt Morrission’s solo album #killme
- A fat guy just told Mr Schu he had talent. Just LIKE REAL LIFE.
- Patti LuPone. Not awkward at all.
- AWKWARD MUSIC NUMBER. UGH.
- Breakfast at Tiffyants
- Why is Kurt’s hair 17 feet tall?
KURT HUMMELL. STILL AWFUL, NOW WITH 473% ADDED HAIR.
- Musical number from Wicked. Unofrtunately distracted by the fact Rachel is wearing the No Doubt Rock Steady album cover for a dress
- mmmmmmm hair extensions
- why is Santana dressed like joancollins in dynasty..
- mmmmm cheyenne jackson
- Oooh, Quinn got a haircut. nice she caught up with dianna agron who got a cut three episodes ago
THAT UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT WHEN EVERYONE REALISES THAT SAM AND QUINN LOOK LIKE THE EXACT SAME PERSON.
- quinn and same now have the same haircut #notweirdatall
- random nationals competition from sookie’s adveture in faeryand
- xcharice got fat. hahahhahahaha
- charice ballld. yawn. how to make an asian look like fat 31 year ol 101
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN – IN TONIGHT’S PERFORMANCE, THE PART OF CHARICE WILL BE PLAYED BY LORD TUBBINGTON.
- finn and rachel. blugh.
- rachels hair looks good though, which is pretty much the first tim all year toy coul say that.
- ughl orgiinal song.
- she looks like a goth christmas decoratipms with awful boots
- racehl berry or rebecca black – who can tell for shure
- yeah. because new york would be so elicate with casual making outsamt
THE KISS THAT LOST MCKINLEY NATIONALS. BECAUSE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT BOTH OF THEIR PERFORMANCES S-U-C-K-E-D.
- santaa autone tune. weird.
- AWFUL
- mmmmmmmm BLAINE
- uhg. i love you. like reall? runblainerun!
RUN! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN! BEFORE KURT’S AWFULNESS CATCHES YOOOOUUUUU…
- pippa iddletone joke. actually funny
- touching lesbain moment
- i cant even live blog thi anyine ib acciybt i watubg ti jukk ntsejfm,,,;
the from the block blog 