Countess Luann Releases New Music Video, All Is Good Again In The World..
Life is a funny thing. You can just wake up sometimes and know in your gut that it’s going to be a good day, there are just little signs. Sometimes it’s a rainbow, or getting a series of green lights on the way to work. For me, it’s waking up to a new Countess Luann video release.
Now, it’s easy to make fun of The Countess’s current music career. Lord knows I, on occasion, have. But to her credit, Money Can’t Buy You Class was a fucking TUNE (and my 34th favourite song of last year don’t forget) and, no matter how hard I try, I just can’t get past the fact that she’s clearly having a so much fun. Which, in turn, is SO FUN.
Here’s a (sober) run down of the highlights :-
0:06 – “This is The Countess Speaking..” You can already tell this is going to be AMAZING.
0:18 – Jill and Kelly and Luann all sashaying at incredibly different speeds, like the bridesmaids trying to walk to ABBA in Muriels Wedding
0:34 – Countess Brand Champagne! Fuck Ramona Pinot up the ass, I want this NOW.
0:42 – Kelly is actually quite good at this. Guess that must be one of the side affects of being a bi-polar drug addict with a double digit IQ..
0:52 – Forever changing the pronunciation of the word ‘Elegance’. AMAZING. “Ele-GAAAAAANNCE!” Clearly I missed that chapter in ‘Class With The Countess’.
0:54 – Jill looks MORTIFIED.
0:57 – The Countess, meanwhile, looks like a DRAG QUEEN. Literally. Like, I don’t know if this is some sort of meta moment where she’s pulled out one of New York’s finest performers and subbed him into the clip or what.
1:11 – That off-Tangerine jacket REALLY needs to go..
1:18 – Naww, Jill is just as bad at pretending to listen in a music video as she is in real life..
1:23 – Jill Zarin – STOP LOOKING DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA.
1:42 – Guess we can add ‘awkward up the nose close ups in the back of a limousine’ to the list of ‘Things That Are NOT The Countesses Best Friends’. I’m sure Ramona Singer, The Count, Camels everywhere and The Townsfolk of Quogue will be happy to keep them company..
1:50 – The fat bald DJ dancing in the background should replace Cindy in the new season..
2:06 – I’m pretty sure she just called Sonja a slut in song. Sonja will love that, hopefully this will ease the rift between Team Blonde and Team Brunette..
2:12 – More of Jill’s endearing Grandma dancing. Clearly Gloria has taught her a thing or two.
2:29 – I don’t know what these ‘Countess Cards’ entitle one too but I WANT TO FIND OUT.
2:40 – Oh, the DJ is playing Roulette now. OF COURSE.
2:46 – The amazing patented Haughty Countess Laugh. Amazing.
See? SO FUN. I mean, it’s no Money Can’t Buy You Class, but what is these days? Plus, unlike the rest of the ‘musically’ inclined Housewives, at least she’s working within a niche that suits both her image and her vocal range (ie – sexy spoken word). Clearly she’s having a ball, so why shouldn’t you? Gold Star Countess Luann, Gold Star.