An Open Letter To Britney Spears’s New Bangs
Congratulations on the X-Factor. You and your incredible repertoire on completely ridiculous facial expressions have really gone a long way to restoring your reputation with the general public at large. We were really feeling good for the first time in a long time that you were clearly in a better place in your life and were surrounding yourself with the right kinds of people. Until THIS happened…
Seriously. Britney. Doll. That Jason person looks like a nice fellow but, really – how can you trust someone who would let you think that bangs were really a good idea. Because they’re not. No one that REALLY loves you would ever let yo do that to your hair. Especially when they’re only five years sober from a Telly Savalas obsession.
Remember the first rule of Hair Club :-
01 – NO WOMAN LOOKS GOOD WITH BANGS. SOME WOMAN JUST MANAGE TO LOOK GOOD IN SPITE OF THEM.
I mean, Taylor Swift barely survived them earlier this year. And The Jeppo only looks good in them because they basically conceal the last fifteen years of her life. I know we made fun of your hair the last time we spoke, but Bangs? No Britney, no – we already have one Jessie J and, believe us, that’s more than bloody enough..
Anyways, good luck with the X-Factor and the whole ‘staying relevant’ thing. If all else fails, leeching lifeblood off Demi Lovato is a solid Plan B.
PS – Courtney Cox – NEVER FORGET