Fashioncap – Met Costume Institute Gala 2011

I generally try to stay away from serious fashion commentary as, you know, my idea of personal high fashion is still pretty much jeans and tee (I still wear sneakers with pretty much EVERYTHING).  But it’s hard to resist the annual Met Gala as it brings out a sense of drama and complete fashion absurdity normally reserved for spanish soap operas and Royal Weddings.

Here are some of the most gloriously absurd and, well, just plain absurd looks from last night.  Bonus points awarded for a sense of fun and drama.  Points deducted for that cardinal fashion sin of being boring.  Or a Kardashian sister..

WORST

Jennifer Lopez

 

 

Why hasn’t someone called the Police because her dress is clearly trying to strangle her.  Damned New Yorkers, always so apathetic.  It’s like the whole Kitty Genovese ordeal all over again.. Plus, it looks like a Florist threw up all over her shoulders..

Rihanna’s right hand side

 

 

Strategically worn Spanx are only a fashion win when you DON’T HAVE THEM HANGING OUT THE SIDE OF YOUR DRESS. 

Anna Wintour

 

 

I know I’m probably being hunted down and shot by minons as I type, but this is just kind of horrid, isn’t it?  I’m getting wrinkles from all the squinting trying to look at it.  Maybe she’s doing a spot number at a Drag bar afterwards?

Serena Williams

 

 

I actually kind of love the dress.  Shame she let Princess Beatrice choose her hat..

Demi Moore

 

 

Princess Beatrice’s Magic Shop of Millinery strikes again!  *shakes fist angrily in air*  Would be better if a flock of birds hadn’t commited mass suicide all over her two seconds before she hit the red carpet.

Beyonce

 

 

*yawn* This would be more impressive if she hadn’t worn the fishtail look to about seventeen other events in the past twelve months.  Or if it was an actual nice dress.. Even the House of Dereon has to have a limit on how many sequins and applique can be used on any one gown, right?

Rosie Huntington-Whitely

 

+

 

Looks like something Joan Collins rejected back in 1986..

Freida Pinto

 

 

Always thought Freida Pinto would be able to look good even in just a paper bag.  Now, that may still be the case, but it turns out oversized comedy satin men’s business shirts – not so much..

Eva Mendes

 

 

Looks like Maria Von Trapp made this with some ballroom curtains from the eighties on the way in.

Nicole Richie

 

 

I didn’t know Nicole Richie had a new reality tv show where she was pretending to be a Vegas Showgirl and a Saloon Wench?  Oh.  Wait..

Gwyneth Paltrow

 

 

Would be a lot better if she hadn’t worn this exact same dress twice this year already.  Surely, between Glee, GOOP and being married to Chris Martin, she can afford a second look?

Naomi Watts

 

 

Beautiful.  Would be more impressive if Mandy Moore hadn’t already worn it to this years Oscars.

Leighton Meester

 

 

Sexy.  Underdressed?

One of the Olsen Twins

 

 

It doesn’t even matter which one.  This is pretty adorable.  Plus, it pays tribute to the Seinfeld Puffy Shirt episode in a nicely reverent way.

Madonna

 

 

Madonna.  Classy.  Two words that haven’t been used in a sentence together since, ummm, Evita?  Nice use of colour too.  Bonus points for not scaring small children with her arms..

Rihanna’s left hand side

 

 

Stunning.  Shame they ran out of material half way through.  Or they let 1990’s Kim Basinger design it..

Dakota Fanning

 

 

Nawwwwww – Adorable.  Our little Dakota has all grown up.  Consider yourself forgiven for the Twilight series.

Jennifer Hudson

 

 

Beautiful.  NOW STOP LOSING WEIGHT BECAUSE I CAN’T RECOGNIZE YOU ANYMORE, YO?!

Iman

 

 

At any other event of the year, poor Mrs Bowie would have to worry about being pilloried by every fashion publication known to man.  Thankfully, at the Met Costume Institute Gala, her biggest concern is avoiding stoned teenagers looking for something to play with.

Taylor Swift

 

 

T-Swizzle looks smokin’ hot!  I’d make a joke about ‘which closeted gay actor is she going to have a highly publicized affair with tonight’, but she’s pretty much my favourite person ever, so she gets a pass. (I HOPE IT’S CHORD OVERSTREET FROM GLEE..)

Miranda Kerr

 

 

LOVE.  Plus, ballerinas everywhere are rejoicing at this red carpet redemption in a post-Lara Flyn Boyle world.  Also, didn’t she just give birth?  Wow..

Brooklyn Decker

 

 

Absolutely stunning.  Puts the ‘hot’ in ‘hot pink’.  Normally I’d say this is too plain for the Met Gala, but the colour just has the kind of wow factor I hoped her performance in Just Go With It would have..

Rihanna’s back

 

 

AMAZING.

Ashley Greene

 

 

Absolutely gorgeous.  I can’t get over how much better this dress looks when it’s not in ‘menses red’.  Bet Penelope Cruz wishes she had a Delorean to take her back to the 2011 Oscar’s now, doesn’t she..

Sarah Jessica Parker

 

 

Beautiful and classy but still just the right amount of edge.  Bonus points for not once looking like she’s trying out for a part in the upcoming Mr Ed reboot.

Blake Lively

 

 

Breathtaking, elegant and completely unlike anything seen before. #winning. 

BEST

What do you think peeps?  Any you disagree with?  Remember, I’m the guy who spent a whole night clubbing dressed only in a bright orange Tigger Suit, so what do I know, right?