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FASHIONCAP – The Golden Globes 2012 (Part Two – The BEST)

January 18, 2012

AND HERE WE ARE!  Now, after sifting through last nights fashion debris (see HERE), we make it to some of the evenings highlights.  Sure, we still kind of mock the shit out of them, but there’s some positivity thrown into the mix, so you can feel warm and fuzzy, kind of like Monique’s armpits at any given point in time..  Unlike yesterday’s run through, we’ve had a sneak peek at what other press are saying about the nights fashion highs and lows and, lets just say, this is a very different take on the night’s dresses successes..  The rules and point scoring system are in the previous entry, so scroll down whenever you’re ready..

 

AMANDA PEET

Otherwise known as the exact moment Amanda Peet decided to go out in public dressed as a wedding cake.  Maybe she was one of the refreshments at the after party?  Or a leftover from the wedding that Jessica Biel was so obviously attending.  La Biel is actually a good reference point for this though.  While her overall outfit failed with a skoche too much styling, Peet carries this dangerously tiered number with just the right lightness to make it sweetly appealing.

 

JULIANNE MOORE

Now, this is another one dangerously on the fence of good taste.  On one hand, Julianne Moore looks faboush in this Chanel couture fishtail gown.  On the other hand, the fit made her look like someone tried to mummify Little Orphan Annie in black bin liners and turn her into the Black Swan.  Seriously, We’re pretty sure Lara Flynn Boyle would like her Tutu back.

 

MICHELLE WILLIAMS

UGH.  Michelle Williams just can’t wear something conventionally pretty, can she?  Actually, this purple leopard print retro number is kind of a grower, especially with the adorable headband, which was the nights third best must have accessory after the High Pony and Salma Hayek’s Boobs.  The overall colouring is just a tad too dark and washed out, but it just eeks out a fashion win.

 

MARIA MENOUNOS

Not quite sure whether this dress itself is enough to qualify for red carpet material.  Heck, we’re still not quite sure what a Maria Menounos IS.  But, just for the AMAZING colour alone, it’s one of the evening’s highlights.

MELISSA MCCARTHY

Now, this is MUCH better.  After going out to The Emmy’s last year dressed as an oversized American Quilt, McCarthy manages to rock something both sexy and body shape appropriate.  She looks really beautiful in this, with the eye makeup and hair bringing just the right touch of sexiness and personality to a beautifully coloured gown.

 

GLENN CLOSE

Meryl?  This is what you should have worn tonight. Meryl?  MERRRYYYYYLLL?  Hopefully close will go with something less matronly and more vavavoomey if she claws out an Oscar nod, if only to make the physical transformation from Albert Nobbs to Glenny From The Close all the more spectacular.  But still, Gold Star.

 

LAURA DERN

Beautiful gown.  Stunning.  Perfect.  Fucking awful hair though.  Clearly her and Jessica Lange got theirs freeze-dried and weather beaten at the same backroads salon.

 

KATE WINSLET

Don’t love this as much as everyone else does.  Partially because her face is starting to go the way of Nicole Kidmans and partially because, from what we can tell, she’s wearing an oversized doggie collar for a belt.  But still, it’s hard to deny that it is not a beautiful dress, complete with a beautiful, sexy fit and perfect hair.  Bonus points to the classy but simple accessories.  We tend not to notice them unless someone has a whole peacock hanging from their ears (hi Taylor Armstrong), so when they stand out to us for the right reasons, you’re really doing something right.  Kadoos!

 

DIANNA AGRON

The impossibly beautiful Agron rocked this dangerously detailed red satin number, even if it looked a little like a performance art fashion audition for the title role in The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.

 

FREIDA PINTO

This has cooled down the list a little since last night, but it’s still a great girlish but modern number.  A little hard to tell how much is the gown and how much is Freida Pinto being one of the most beautiful women on the face of the earth, but still.

 

NATALIE PORTMAN

This simple, hot pink number was one blonde bob away from a Gentlemen Prefer Blondes sequel but, really – is that such a bad thing?  Portman looked gorgeous as always and Ricky Gervais’s introduction as ‘the very foolish Natalie Portman’ was both one of the evenings comedy highlights and absolutely not a commentary on her fashion sense.

 

10. TILDA SWINTON

Oh Tilda.  Tilda Tilda Tilda.  This almost ended up on the worst dressed list, but there is something so edgy and fashionable about this albino Dynasty power suit meets ball gown number – it’s like David Bowie getting dressed up as Joan Collins.  But the nude nails, hipster hair and the perfect hint of colour on the cheeks and lips keep this from looking like a fashion parade in a morgue and make it one of the evening’s most daring highlights.

 

09. DAME HELEN MIRREN

Once again, Dame Helen shows them how it’s done in an elegant but in no way predictable ruffles and rhinestone number.  Who knew something with either of those two elements (let alone both) could look so classy.  Bonus points for Mirren looking positively coquettish.  The fact that this woman ISN’T the face of several major international fashion campaigns is beyond us.  Plus, she has the best set of tits this side of Salma Hayek.  There, we said it.

 

08. VIOLA DAVIS

So, it’s really all about that split, isn’t it?  Davis wowed in this sexy purple thigh high number, and with good reason.  Clearly the only help she needed was from a good pair of glued on panties, because Gurrl was looking FIERCE.  Bonus points for getting The Chenbot in shot..

 

07. SARAH HYLAND

Modern Family star Hyland is continuing to become a Red Carpet Must Watch this past year.  Besides the fact that she continually mocks Lea Michele (which we love), she’s picking the most stylishly appropriate numbers show after show after show.  Really, this is just beautiful.

 

06. ELIZABETH MCGOVERN

HEAVENS!  This one hasn’t gotten as much attention as it deserved, surprisingly.  Sometimes a gown doesn’t have to splattered with acrylics, or look like it was inspired by Pinchy The Lobster to stand out in a crowd.  Sometimes nothing more than a simple cut, beautiful colouring and a smattering bright red lipstick is all a lady needs.  McGovern looked wonderfully elegant but thoroughly modern in this black and blue ensemble, and the simple but stylish hair was superb.

 

05. EVAN RACHEL WOOD

Wood (or is it Rachel Wood?  WHO KNOWS!) is another quiet Red Carpet consistent achiever.  This was another fantastic choice.  With Emerald easily being one of the night’s most on trend colours, this was the stand out ensemble.  The fact that she looked like a bird morphing into a fish morphing into Marilyn Monroe’s neckline from 1953-1959 inclusive did nothing to detract from it.  In fact, it made it all the more amazing.  Flawless.

 

04. PIPER PERABO

Now, fine – we’re not entirely convinced that this is less couture than some sort of attempt to smuggle an entire Mexican family across the border under her gigantic mushroom cloud of a skirt, but there’s something so wondrously old school movie star about this gown.  Perabo has a touch of the Scarlett O’Haras with this billowy ensemble, it’s just lovely.

 

 

03. ANGELINA JOLIE

This is just perfect.  Dramatic, stylish, feminine and bold – Jolie was head and shoulders above any other contender walking the carpet.  Can’t think of anyone else who could have pulled this dress off so perfectly.  Bonus points for accessorizing with a Brad Pitt, who was like the arm candy equivalent of a high ponytail.  He just makes everything look better, even the humble cane.

 

02. MADONNA

While, let’s face it, only her forehead looks anything like a virgin these days, the Material Girl herself rocked out the single best outfit she has worn in many a years.  Even the unholy combination of her body builder arms and Michael Jackson glove fetish couldn’t obscure the amazingness of this gown.  Our Madge looked every inch the movie star.  Or at least like the lady who writes the songs the movie stars star to.  Plus, her appearance led to our single favourite red carpet pic of the night ..

 

..which is easily our single favourite red carpet pic of the night.  Are they doing a jig?  Are they preparing for a duel (Lord knows Madonna has got her Glove Slap on)?  Who knows, but it’s so gloriously absurd, it’s hard not to enjoy it..

01. CHARLIZE THERON

So, all that stuff with Charlize bathing in the blood of virgins in the Snow White trailer wasn’t so much a special effect as just some household footage Tarsem found lying around, right?  Seriously, our favourite Mr. F looks about 12 here.  But a jaw-droppingly beautiful 12.  Actually, lets change that to 18.  Mostly because 12 sounds creepy and I don’t want to, you know, get red-flagged by the US government.  This dress is everything that awards season fashion is all about and Theron carries it off like her career depends on it.  The bow is beautiful.  The clutch is perfect.  The halter neck is sexy but still somehow demure.  And the glitterey headband is AMAZING.  AMAZING.  Heck, the only thing that could possibly make this look better would be if she scalped Sarah Michelle Gellar and wore her high pony as a headdress.  AMAZING.

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