Kim Kardashian Releases Single, World Collectively Dies a Little Inside..
Woke up this morning to the news that the Kim Kardashian single has officially leaked. Now, this is not the complete worst thing I’ve ever woken up to, but it’s probably top five. I don’t have my Bible handy, but Kim Kardashian having a legitimate music career is definitely one of the Seven Signs of the Apocolypse, right?
Ladies and Gentleman, Don McLean was wrong – TODAY is the day the music died.. Enjoy!
Since my Momma raised me right, here are five things that I like about Jam :-
01 – The chorus is good. Like, really good. I woke up 18 minutes ago now and I’ve literally had ‘They playing my jam, They playing my jam’ going round and round my head ever since. By my calculations, that would be AT LEAST 270 times it’s repeated to date.
02 – At least she’s a better singer than Heidi Montag. That’s not saying a lot, but still.. People Kim Kardashian is NOT a better singer than includes :- Paris Hilton, Countess Luann, Jordan. The jury is still out on the hotly anticipated “Kardashian vs. Kim Zolciak” showdown, but it is sure to be EPIC.
03 – That she’s struck a very public victory for wider racial acceptance of Autotune in pop music. For too long, Autotune has been the sole domain of Black American Rappers and, umm, Cher. Today’s highly publicized collaboration with the Autotune 3000 is a real step in the right direction. ‘Kim Kardashian : Muso-Political Activist’ – who woulda thunk it?
04 – The fact that, inevitably, she’s going to have to perform this ‘live’ at some point. Anyone who ever saw her disastrous run on Dancing With The Stars would know that the blandest Kardashian has all the live performance skills of a Frigid Llama, so hopefully we’ll finally be blessed with something even more delightfully awkward than THIS.
05 – At least it’s better than her last official recording, when she released a sex tape with Ray J. (Although, to be fair, some ad-libs of ‘Baby, do not tease my pussy’ wouldn’t have gone astray. Just saying.)
So, yeah. I’m off to (a) have a drink and (b) start working on a bunch of Jam-related foodstuff puns now. How about you?