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The 19 Greatest Pokemon Books You Never Read (Yet)

May 9, 2014

There are a lot of amazing things that the internet has given us over the years – social networking, funny cat videos, PORN.  But this week it managed to surpass itself.  Dare I say it, but – it EVOLVED.  Thanks to intrepid Buzzfeed reporter Alanna Okun and the Bermuda Triangle of Productivity that is Twitter, we now have the greatest gift the internet has ever produced.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you ….. #PokemonBookTitles

AMAZING.

AMAZING.

AMAZING.

It’s BOOKS.  But with POKEMON in it!  Literature AND Computer Games – it’s like my two best friends had a child and now I don’t need either of them anymore because their child is just THE BEST.  Obviously, once I stumbled upon this, I couldn’t do anything BUT come up with a few of my own.  Now, keeping in mind I could never hope to top the heartbreaking work of staggering genius that is Catcher In The Raichu, or 100 Years Of Geodude (and not to mention the fact that everything I learnt about photo editing I learnt from MS Paint), but here are a few classics I came up with myself, using all the finest techniques a 2007 edition Macbook can provide…  So – ENJOY!

01. THE ADVENTURES OF PSYDUCKLEBERRY FINN

Considered by many to be the first Great American Novel, The Adventures Of Psyduckleberry Finn tells the (now) legendary tale of a young Pokémon traversing the notorious Mississippi River and the unlikely friendship he forges with a socially outcast Ginger Pokémon Trainer along the way.

the adventures of psyduckleberry finn

 

02. THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF SEAKING

The classic 1984 post-modern masterpiece by Milan Kundera is about two women, two men and the large, orange Water Pokémon that opens their lives to the artistic and intellectual revolutions happening in Czech Society at the time.

the unbearable lightness of seaking 2

03. THE SQUIRTLE HOUSE RULES

A touching tale of a young Squirtle who selflessly devotes his life to covertly helping Trainers dispose of unwanted Pokémon instead of subjecting them to the horrors of battle.  Also an much lauded and Academy Award nominated movie of the same name, starring a then unknown Tobey Maguire as the selfless Squirtle at the centre of the story.

the squirtle house rules

 

04. HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE JYNX

The 5th book in J.K. Rowling’s famous series finds Harry helpless as a scheming Team Rocket overthrow Professor Oaks and slowly take over the Pallet Town Pokémon Academy.  Thankfully, a long dormant secret society of heroic cross-dressing Psychic Pokémon reform, and together they fight the twin forces of evil and understated fashion ennsembles.

harry potter and the order of the jynx

 

05. THE CUBONE COLLECTOR

Jeffrey Deavers classic crime thriller introduces us to famed quadrIplegic police officer Lincoln Rhyme, and tells the nail-biting tale of a rogue Pokémon Trainer terrorizing Viridian City in his hunt for the elusive and lonely Cubone.

the cubone collector

 

06. HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO SANDSHREW

The now-famous 2004 Self-Help book not just redefined the genre and got adapted into a movie of the same name, but is widely credited with helping women worldwide get insight into the elusive mind of a male Pokémon Trainer and truly understand their apathy and aversion to Sandshrew.

he's just not that into sandshrew

 

07. THE PIDGEYS OF MADISON COUNTY

A touching and tender tale of two lonely Pokémon Trainers in the 1960’s who embark on an illicit affair, set against the picturesque backdrop of the famed titular Pidgeys who inhabit the local area.

the pidgeys of madison county

 

08. LITTLE HOUSE ON THE CLEFAIRY

The first in Laura Ingalls Wilder’s famed series of childrens books based on her childhood and the midwestern Fairy Pokémon that her family attempted to take residence upon for many years in the 19th Century.

little house on the clefairy

 

09. NINETALES OF THE CITY

Armistead Maupin’s ground-breaking series is a nostalgiac and subversively raunchy romp featuring an ever-evolving group of friends, as told through the eyes of a wide-eyed and naive Ninetales, on a crash course of self discovery and sexual awakening in 1960’s San Francisco.

ninetales of the city

 

10. HOW STELLA GOT HER GLOOM BACK

A funny and moving modern classic about a middle aged Trainer on vacation and the oddly aromatic Weed Pokémon that causes her to reassess her priorities and finally meet the love of her life – Herself.

how stella got her gloom back

 

11. THE 7 ZUBATS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

Still one of the best selling Business and Self Help books of all time, Stephen R. Covey’s guide to achieving goals through observing the ancient ways of  the Zubat, has been changing lives for over two decades now.

the 7 zubats of highly effective people

 

12. THE PERKS OF BEING A BULBASAUR

Widely regarded as the greatest young adult book of all time, this story of a socially awkward Bulbasaur and the ragtag bunch of Pokémon that take him in is touching, funny and will stay with you a long time after you’ve finished reading it.

the perks of being a bulbasaur

 

13. THE DIVINE SECRETS OF THE CHAR-CHAR SISTERHOOD

A cross-generational tale of a family of Lizard Pokémon and how they evolve over the years, through a sassy and touching series of misadventures reaffirming the universal virtues of solidarity, sisterhood and fighting fire with FIRE.

the divine secrets of the char-char sisterhood

 

14. MISS SMILLA’S FEELING FOR SLOWPOKE

Translated from the original Danish text, this 1992 novel is a lyrical and meditative literary masterpiece, using the tropes of a traditional missing person procedural to explore one young trainers unique ability to intuit and interpret the mysterious ways of the Slowpoke.

miss smilla's feeling for slowpoke

 

15. THE WORLD ACCORDING TO MAGIKARP

John Irving’s 1978 bestseller is an uproarious, absurd and ultimately affecting coming of age tale of a young Magikarp growing up in the 1950’s, and navigating his way through the confusing and – at times – hostile waters that are Sex, Family and Pokémon Battles.

the world according to magikarp

 

16. OFFICER JENNY’S DIARY

Originally a series of newspaper columns, this fictional collection of diary entries of a perpetually single Policewoman drinking, dating and making all the kinds of rookie mistakes you’re meant to stop making in your twenties led to two movies and Officer Jenny’s place as a modern day feminist hero for single women everywhere.

officer jenny's diary

 

17. THE MEOWTH OF MONTE CRISTO

A sweeping historical adventure set against the backdrop of 18th century France, this Alexander Dumas classic uses the story of a misunderstood and wrongly imprisoned talking cat to explore such themes as hope, vengeance and ultimately forgiveness, dispensing pithy quips and wisecracks along the way.

the meowth of monte cristo

 

18. FOR WHOM THE WEEPINBELL TOLLS

Ernest Hemmingway’s 1940 masterpiece is a majestic tale of a lone soldier caught in the chaos of the Veridian City Civil War.  Often regarded as the authors best work (alongside his other classic The Old Man And The Seadra), it takes its title from the famed John Donne mediation on health, pain and and the savage beauty of Grass Pokémon.

for whom the weepinbell tolls

 

19. GORILLA’S IN THE MISTY

The inspiring and ultimately tragic autobiography of trail-blazing Water Pokémon Activist Misty, it covers her years of painstaking study and research in the watery wilds of Cerulean City, and the unique bonds she formed with the silent and mysterious creatures that inhabit it.

gorillas in the misty

 

AMAZING.

Anyway, that’s as much MS (Cave) Paint I can handle for one afternoon, but hope I’ve helped you discover some literary classics in time for summer.  You can check more of them out HERE and HERE – there are some absolute CLASSICS to catch..

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