The 19 Greatest Pokemon Books You Never Read (Yet)
There are a lot of amazing things that the internet has given us over the years – social networking, funny cat videos, PORN. But this week it managed to surpass itself. Dare I say it, but – it EVOLVED. Thanks to intrepid Buzzfeed reporter Alanna Okun and the Bermuda Triangle of Productivity that is Twitter, we now have the greatest gift the internet has ever produced. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you ….. #PokemonBookTitles
It’s BOOKS. But with POKEMON in it! Literature AND Computer Games – it’s like my two best friends had a child and now I don’t need either of them anymore because their child is just THE BEST. Obviously, once I stumbled upon this, I couldn’t do anything BUT come up with a few of my own. Now, keeping in mind I could never hope to top the heartbreaking work of staggering genius that is Catcher In The Raichu, or 100 Years Of Geodude (and not to mention the fact that everything I learnt about photo editing I learnt from MS Paint), but here are a few classics I came up with myself, using all the finest techniques a 2007 edition Macbook can provide… So – ENJOY!
01. THE ADVENTURES OF PSYDUCKLEBERRY FINN
Considered by many to be the first Great American Novel, The Adventures Of Psyduckleberry Finn tells the (now) legendary tale of a young Pokémon traversing the notorious Mississippi River and the unlikely friendship he forges with a socially outcast Ginger Pokémon Trainer along the way.
02. THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF SEAKING
The classic 1984 post-modern masterpiece by Milan Kundera is about two women, two men and the large, orange Water Pokémon that opens their lives to the artistic and intellectual revolutions happening in Czech Society at the time.
03. THE SQUIRTLE HOUSE RULES
A touching tale of a young Squirtle who selflessly devotes his life to covertly helping Trainers dispose of unwanted Pokémon instead of subjecting them to the horrors of battle. Also an much lauded and Academy Award nominated movie of the same name, starring a then unknown Tobey Maguire as the selfless Squirtle at the centre of the story.
04. HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE JYNX
The 5th book in J.K. Rowling’s famous series finds Harry helpless as a scheming Team Rocket overthrow Professor Oaks and slowly take over the Pallet Town Pokémon Academy. Thankfully, a long dormant secret society of heroic cross-dressing Psychic Pokémon reform, and together they fight the twin forces of evil and understated fashion ennsembles.
05. THE CUBONE COLLECTOR
Jeffrey Deavers classic crime thriller introduces us to famed quadrIplegic police officer Lincoln Rhyme, and tells the nail-biting tale of a rogue Pokémon Trainer terrorizing Viridian City in his hunt for the elusive and lonely Cubone.
06. HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO SANDSHREW
The now-famous 2004 Self-Help book not just redefined the genre and got adapted into a movie of the same name, but is widely credited with helping women worldwide get insight into the elusive mind of a male Pokémon Trainer and truly understand their apathy and aversion to Sandshrew.
07. THE PIDGEYS OF MADISON COUNTY
A touching and tender tale of two lonely Pokémon Trainers in the 1960’s who embark on an illicit affair, set against the picturesque backdrop of the famed titular Pidgeys who inhabit the local area.
08. LITTLE HOUSE ON THE CLEFAIRY
The first in Laura Ingalls Wilder’s famed series of childrens books based on her childhood and the midwestern Fairy Pokémon that her family attempted to take residence upon for many years in the 19th Century.
09. NINETALES OF THE CITY
Armistead Maupin’s ground-breaking series is a nostalgiac and subversively raunchy romp featuring an ever-evolving group of friends, as told through the eyes of a wide-eyed and naive Ninetales, on a crash course of self discovery and sexual awakening in 1960’s San Francisco.
10. HOW STELLA GOT HER GLOOM BACK
A funny and moving modern classic about a middle aged Trainer on vacation and the oddly aromatic Weed Pokémon that causes her to reassess her priorities and finally meet the love of her life – Herself.
11. THE 7 ZUBATS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE
Still one of the best selling Business and Self Help books of all time, Stephen R. Covey’s guide to achieving goals through observing the ancient ways of the Zubat, has been changing lives for over two decades now.
12. THE PERKS OF BEING A BULBASAUR
Widely regarded as the greatest young adult book of all time, this story of a socially awkward Bulbasaur and the ragtag bunch of Pokémon that take him in is touching, funny and will stay with you a long time after you’ve finished reading it.
13. THE DIVINE SECRETS OF THE CHAR-CHAR SISTERHOOD
A cross-generational tale of a family of Lizard Pokémon and how they evolve over the years, through a sassy and touching series of misadventures reaffirming the universal virtues of solidarity, sisterhood and fighting fire with FIRE.
14. MISS SMILLA’S FEELING FOR SLOWPOKE
Translated from the original Danish text, this 1992 novel is a lyrical and meditative literary masterpiece, using the tropes of a traditional missing person procedural to explore one young trainers unique ability to intuit and interpret the mysterious ways of the Slowpoke.
15. THE WORLD ACCORDING TO MAGIKARP
John Irving’s 1978 bestseller is an uproarious, absurd and ultimately affecting coming of age tale of a young Magikarp growing up in the 1950’s, and navigating his way through the confusing and – at times – hostile waters that are Sex, Family and Pokémon Battles.
16. OFFICER JENNY’S DIARY
Originally a series of newspaper columns, this fictional collection of diary entries of a perpetually single Policewoman drinking, dating and making all the kinds of rookie mistakes you’re meant to stop making in your twenties led to two movies and Officer Jenny’s place as a modern day feminist hero for single women everywhere.
17. THE MEOWTH OF MONTE CRISTO
A sweeping historical adventure set against the backdrop of 18th century France, this Alexander Dumas classic uses the story of a misunderstood and wrongly imprisoned talking cat to explore such themes as hope, vengeance and ultimately forgiveness, dispensing pithy quips and wisecracks along the way.
18. FOR WHOM THE WEEPINBELL TOLLS
Ernest Hemmingway’s 1940 masterpiece is a majestic tale of a lone soldier caught in the chaos of the Veridian City Civil War. Often regarded as the authors best work (alongside his other classic The Old Man And The Seadra), it takes its title from the famed John Donne mediation on health, pain and and the savage beauty of Grass Pokémon.
19. GORILLA’S IN THE MISTY
The inspiring and ultimately tragic autobiography of trail-blazing Water Pokémon Activist Misty, it covers her years of painstaking study and research in the watery wilds of Cerulean City, and the unique bonds she formed with the silent and mysterious creatures that inhabit it.
Anyway, that’s as much MS (Cave) Paint I can handle for one afternoon, but hope I’ve helped you discover some literary classics in time for summer. You can check more of them out HERE and HERE – there are some absolute CLASSICS to catch..