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19 Things We Demand From Revenge in Season Two

May 25, 2012

So REVENGE – aka the closest thing there is to televisual crack on network television this season – finally wrapped up it’s devilishly soapy first season last night with a bang, both figuratively and literally.  With everything from an overdose to a surprise pregnancy to people coming back from the dead to a plane exploding, it whipped out every single trick it had in it’s dramatic wheelhouse to create 42 minutes of non-stop insane edge of your seat melodrama.  So, while we spend the next few months waiting to find out if Charlotte, Victoria or Lydia died (our money is on Lydia, obvs), what better time to start putting together our wishlist for ABC and Mike Kelley for next season..

So, here are 19 Things That We DEMAND From Revenge Next Season :-

01 – A less Lesbionic haircut for our beloved Supergeek Nolan Ross.  Seriously – he’s one bowl cut away from turning into a kd Lang tribute band.


02 – Victoria Grayson threatening to RUIN someone at least ONCE per episode.

03 – Emily to, just once, drop to the ground clenching her fist in the air and loudly exclaim ‘REVENGE’ after she vanquishes some unfortunate Guest Star Of The Week.

04 – Lydia to have died in the Plane Explosion.


05 – Victoria to have NOT died in the Plane Explosion.


06 – Jack and Declan to have SOMEHOW managed to have been killed off by the plane explosion (We’re aware this is a stretch, even for REVENGE)


07 – Victoria to emerge from the wilderness months later masquerading as a Japanese businessman much like Piper Laurie in season two of Twin Peaks.


08 – More Daniel Grayson shirtless prison shower scenes.  How could we forget the undoubted highlight of season one aka the EXACT moment where we, like Twitter, wanted to #OccupyDanielGrayson (‘sASS.)


09 – A role for now Ringer-less Sarah Michelle Gellar.  She could play pretty much any part.  Or several of them AT THE SAME TIME.


10 – The White Haired Man to join forces with The One-Armed Man from The Fugitive and notorious crime syndicate The Blue Man Group to create the most nefarious triumvirate of evil superpowers since the Trio of Nerds from Buffy.  Hopefully David Cross is free next season..


11 – Charlotte to go full tilt off the rails like the Maury Povich ‘I Was A Pill-Popping Teenage Stripper’ afterschool special that we know she’s destined to be.


12 – Emily to turn up, just once, in a bright yellow jumpsuit ala Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.  SURELY they could at least have a REVENGE Halloween episode for this?


13 – The Yonkers Girl Declan has been hanging around with the last few episodes to transfer schools over the summer.  Although between Fauxmanda and this Jaime girl, it’s funny how those Porter Boys sure do have a type.


14 – Sammy’s Long Lost Evil Twin to show up and cause major mid-season drama.


15 – To dress Ashley up in a Red and White Striped Sweat and Beanie and have her mill around in the background of scenes in a sort of special REVENGE version of Where’s Waldo.



16 – Faux-manda to discover her unborn baby is possessed like in Rosemary’s Baby.  Or Bethenny Getting Married..


17 – SOMEONE to start rocking an Eye Patch.


18 – At least one unnecessary shot per episode of Victoria’s AMAHZING Living Room chair.


19 – Lena Olin to play Emily’s Mom.  Or, failing that, Patricia Wettig as THAT WHORE HOLLY HARPER.  Maybe we could get Sally Field involved as well?


So what about you guys?  Any Season Two Must Haves for you?

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