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Call Me When You’re Ready to Play with the Big Guns, Kiddo..

January 30, 2011

Took myself out for a date last night and treated myself to a screening of The Fighter (which was AH-MAZING) and then bought myself a few drinks afterwards at a local bar.  You know, it’s important cultivate a relationship with yourself sometimes, Lord know it’s the longest one you’re ever going to have.

So I met up with a mate afterwards and did the usual ‘drink, drink, dominate the music video jukebox, drink’ thing that I’m so fond of.  Got home at 2am and got a message on facebook from a friend of a friend asking me if I had been at said bar wearing an amazing Simpsons tee shirt (spoiler alert – I totally had been.  Amazing tee shirts are kind of my thing).  As luck would have it, it was a kid that I’d been totally eye-fucking for a good portion of the night but couldn’t say Hi to due to me spending most of it providing my mate with two hour one-sided counseling session that was seven hundred shades of awkward (believe me – I give GREAT advice, but I feel bad for anyone who has to deal with my tough love schtick when I’ve had a few.  The quality is still tres high but I could do with some candy-coating..)

As an aside – I kind of LOVE the fact that I’m evidently recognizable in public from such things as facebook.  I mean, it’s kind of funny to think that random strangers click on your profile (I personally can’t think of anything more boring – the internets is the last person I want to meet someone in that regard off).  Clearly, I’m just as funny on people’s facebook pages as I like to think I am!

Anyways – head back out to have a beer with him.  Super cute kid, fun.  Made out extensively and then he pulls the whole ‘going to go home by himself’ card which would be fine if it was because (a) he wants to make sure his very attractive lesbian gal pal got home safely or (b) he’s tired and not in the mood.  Both of these things would have been fine.  Like, sure – I would have secretly been all like “Thanks for the blue balls Kiddo”, but I’d accept it.  But no.  In complete seriousness, he tells me that he’s going home because he “is playing hard to get.”  I mean – are you kidding me?  That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard since The Republican Party announced it’s Vice Presidential Candidate for the 2008 election.  Then he’s all – “make sure you call me tomorrow” and left.

Urgh.  I get that sometimes you don’t get laid the exact second you want to (although, in all fairness, it’s definitely one of my pet hates.  I have enough callouses from lifting weights – I don’t need more from 21 year olds who decided their goal in life is to be a professional cocktease).  But I genuinely don’t see the point in deliberately not sleeping with someone you clearly want to sleep with for the sole point of ‘playing hard to get’ or trying to keep someone’s interest. News Flash – people that are going to lose interest in you after sleeping with you are still going to lose interest in you whether they get to blow their load on a first date or a fifth.  The only difference is is that if you drag it out to date five you wasted five times as much of your time.  What’s the point of that?

Now, I’d like to point out that, for the record, this guy was a really fun guy.  A little bit *too* cocky perhaps, but my higher moral ground with being cocky around The Gays isn’t the best, so I can let that slide.  Credit where credit’s due – smart, fun, great big ass, sexy eyes and actually managed to mostly hold his own in a conversation with me (if you’ve ever met me, I talk exactly like I write – fast, loose and A LOT.)  So it’s just a shame to see him flush that down the toilet to try and create some higher artificial level of interest that wasn’t necessary.  Come on dude – you just spent the last thirty minutes alternating between grinding your rock hard cock into my hip and trying to grab mine through my pants.  Unless you’re dick was erect at the thought of going home alone, it’s pretty clear that you wanted to get laid, no?

I guess what I find interesting is that all he was doing is the same as what a lot of girls I know do whenever they meet a guy and the same as pretty much all relationship advice books tell you to do – don’t sleep with someone on the first date if you like them.  (For the record – I have no idea whether relationship advice books really tell you to do that, I’ve read exactly zero of them to date and don’t really plan to start.)  For me personally, when I meet someone, there is nothing I find less attractive than someone who isn’t that interested in me.  Which is why I’ve been quite lucky to never have any sort of big torturous unrequited crushes or such (with the exception of the whole Michael saga, obvs).  I dunno – it’s just one of those things.  Like, who wants to like someone who doesn’t like them enough back – it’s like the emotional equivalent of cutting.  I just don’t get it.  I mean, it’s a different story if you’re already embroiled in a heady relationship and things go south – once mutually reciprocated feelings have been built up and acted upon it’s not as easy to make them go away.  But when it’s just a first meeting, if they’re not keen, you should just put your tail between your legs and head back for the hills – it’s not rocket science peeps!

If I like someone, I’m a firm believer in fucking on the first date.  I mean, if you’re not attracted to someone enough that you can resist totally drilling them the first time you meet them, then chances are the relationship is going to fan out at some point down the track.

Mostly, I just find it a real turn off if people play games.  Even if the intent is good, what’s the point of creating something artificial right from the get go when you should be laying down (hehehe laying) open and honest foundations?  If you can’t truly be yourself at the outset, when you have nothing left to lose, what does that say about you?  People who are completely at ease with themselves is pretty much the most attractive trait a person can have after people who find me completely sexually irresistible.    So, gay men of Sydney – some top tips there, top tips..

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