Messy Little Raindrops – Cheryl Cole
(Originally published here on 23rd November 2010)
When Messy Little Raindrops was released in the UK a little over a fortnight ago, it was one of the most anticipated album releases of the year. Yet, in Australia, the fanfare has been less than minimal and one could be forgiven for asking – who exactly is Cheryl Cole and why am I supposed to care about this garishly dressed woman on the cover?
For the uninitiated, Cheryl Cole is an ex-girlband member, TV Personality and Footballer’s Wife extraordinaire. She’s also been the reigning nation’s sweetheart ever since her tough talking but highly teary turn as a judge on UK ratings juggernaut X-Factor intersected with her high profile divorce from love rat footballer Ashley Cole. Suddenly she was the prettiest and most relatable wronged woman since Princess Di.
Tarred by the brush of being a former Girl Group member (from those saviors of modern pop Girls Aloud), expectations have always been low for actual vocal talent, which actually does the nicely voiced Miss Cole quite the disservice. It’s often overlooked that she got herself to this point by winning a televised talent competition and has always had a lovely, soft singing voice with a real emotive, bruised tone. That being said, the title track is a vocal mess that is in dire need of a real Diva to compensate for its music box melody and cloying arrangement. Imagine Kylie’s Bittersweet Goodbye (itself already a hideous, hideous song) being mangled by an Australian Idol semi-finalist and you’d have a clearer picture of the wreckage.
The Flood does the trick much better, taking the tried and tested beats driven ballad format so popular on US radio these days (see also – Halo, Battlefield and pretty much everything by Leona Lewis ever) and giving it a credible emotional gravitas. It’s understated production and nicely unfolding lyrics of not being able to ‘hold on to water’ and ‘a natural disaster love’ gently swell to almost epic proportions by the songs end. In fact, its status as the likely second single would mean we’d be looking at a slamdunk UK Christmas Number One if not for the fact that Cole’s X-Factor contract most likely prohibits her from releasing anything in the second half of December lest whoever wins this season’s competition be bested by a judge.
Lead single Promise This fares much better, being one of the catchiest and most exciting pieces of pure pop released all year. Sure, the random French chanting doesn’t pack quite the same visceral punch in a post-Gaga musical landscape, but the literal English translation – “Lark, Spread your wings” – is both fitting and endearing on an album that often eschews subtlety in favour of tabloid-baiting lyrics. Plus, the chorus is so big you could land a plane on it, and that’s never a bad thing.
Let’s Get Down finds her reasserting that she’s just Chezza from The Block and is, surprisingly, all the stronger for it. Sure, the proclamations of living for the weekend don’t ring quite as true now she’s seven years removed from being anything remotely close to working class, but it’s amazing what one bona fide assault charge (back in 2003) can do to prove one is well hard, innit?
Both Everyone and Yeah, Yeah keep their feet planted on the dancefloor much more firmly than any of the watered down R’n’B of her debut album did and Waiting is an amazing club banger co-written by recently reinvented dance diva Kelis. Live Tonight is just glorious, built on a shimmering synth line ala When Love Takes Over and the “guess who’s on the radio now” bit in the bridge is the most genuine and unaffected she comes across all album.
Elsewhere, her singles from debut 3 Words – Fight For This Love, Parachute and the title track – are tacked on to the end and should clear up any doubt of how this Cheryl Tweedy-Cole woman became one of the most famous pop stars in western Europe. Overall, a good solid pop album that makes up for it’s lack of real substance with some really gorgeous pop tunes. Now, if only something could be down about the godawful cover art.
Top Tracks – Promise This, Waiting, Happy Tears.
The Rocky Horror Glee Show
(Originally published here on 4th November 2010)
Welcome to The Rocky Horror Glee Show!
Now, considering Glee’s (ahem) ‘rocky’ track record with tribute episodes, I approached last night’s instalment with a degree of trepidation. So I am pleased to report the show’s writers have managed to avoid the same mistakes they made with the creatively bankrupt Britney Spears-athon and have paid both loving tribute to The Rocky Horror Picture Show and also turned it into surprisingly wonderful mediation on reverse sexism, male body insecurity and the role of The Arts in teenage society.
So it’s basically ‘A Very Important Glee After School Special on the dangers of Male Body Image Disorders and The Social Responsibilities of The Arts in Schools’. Amazing.
So where to begin? In a bid to bring himself closer to a Dr John Stamos-besotted Emma, a jealous Mr Schue gets the Glee Club to stage a production of Rocky Horror in spite of the risqué nature of the material. As things slowly spiral into increasingly unpredictable madness, we were treated to loving recreations of, amongst others,Dammit, Janet, Sweet Transvestite, Touch A Touch A Touch Me and, of course The Time Warp. And man did the cast bring it aaawn! Finn made an adorable Brad, Kurt was a fantastically mischievous Riff Raff and even Mercedes did a great job as Frank N. Furter.
Here’s the cast doing The Time Warp:
Actually, Amber Riley rocked the absolute bejesus out of Frank, taking on of the more questionable censorship moves of the episode (John Stamos was originally slated to fill the role until the network nixed the idea) and making both it and that sensational black PVC corset work in way it really shouldn’t have. In fact, once I watched the episode, I can’t think of a single male or female cast member who could have done a fiercer, sexier performance.
Some of the other primetime friendly cuts didn’t work so well – who knew that the word “transvestite” was kosher for family viewing but not “transsexual” (in the aforementioned Sweet Transvestite number)? And, the changes to Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me verged on non-sensical – “No use getting into heavy-petting, it only leads to trouble and seat wetting” becomes “No use getting into heavy sweating (which just sounds gross), it only leads to trouble and bad fretting.”
Kudos though for address the obvious censorship and working it into the episode. Sue has a great side storyline where, in the pursuit of a local news Emmy (Celebrity cameo alerts – Barry Bostwick! Meat Loaf!), she takes on the role of The Narrator and the sight of her lounging around on stage making script changes as the show goes on was one of the nights best and most delightfully surreal gags. Mercedes begging for the role of Frank N. Furter just to finally have a chance to be a lead role was sweet and touching. And the final speech by Sue about how teachers of the arts have a responsibility to students to not just push boundaries to further their own agendas was tight and stronger than expected.
Finally, it was refreshing to see a primetime show tackle male body insecurities with such candour and sensitivity. When faced with the prospect of two hours singing in front of a full auditorium in his tighty-whities, Finn revealed that he was so insecure about his body that he even wears a swim shirt to the pool. Adorable. Bonus points to Sam (who is fast becoming my new celebrity boyfriend) for coining the term ‘Ab-ulous’.
The Locker Room discussion between Sam, Finn and Artie addressed the overlooked issues of the increasing objectification of men in today’s society articulately and in a thought-provoking manner. Hopefully this will provide comfort and understanding to the millions of young men worldwide grappling with the same issues. Artie’s “I personally blame the Internet. Internet porn was invented, girls could watch without having to make that embarrassing trip to the video store. Internet porn altered the female brain chemistry, making them more like men, and thus more concerned with our bodies.” was spot on.
It’s nice to see Glee back on track after a shaky start to the season and using the tribute show format to further existing storylines, not just to increase ratings. The final correlation between The Rocky Horror Picture Show being a refuge for the freaks and the outcasts and the Glee Club fulfilling the same role was touchingly apt.
Plus, anything that puts the adorable Chord Overstreet and his oversized Lisa Rinna lips in a pair of gold lame hot pants for an hour is fine by me.
Best Number of the Night
Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me by Emma and a shirtless Mr Schue. Wowsers! Jayma Mays doesn’t get to sing that often on Glee but boy did she make up for it with this sizzling, perfectly executed number.
With the added bonus of a quivering Matthew Morrison stripping down to his pants, this sexually charged rendition will probably ended up being one of the most watched YouTube clips by weeks end.
A little known fact is that Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me is actually the song Mays originally used in her Glee audition. Bonus points for Brittany and Santana’s hilarious background work in the window:
Best Lines
Becky: Give me some chocolate or I will cut you.
Brittany: I’m looking forward to seeing Sam in his gold bikini.
Sam: It’s gonna be ab-ulous.
Finn: I have no idea what’s going on in this script, and it’s not in a cool Inception kind of way.
Sue: Children must know fear. Without it, they’ll try Frenching grizzly bears or trying to live in Florida.
Kurt: What are you going as for Halloween?
Brittany: I’m going as a peanut allergy.
“Go scream at some fatties.” – Sue to Becky
It’s Brit-Glee, Bitch!
(Originally written and published here on 5th October 2010)
Homo heads exploded around America and Australia alike last week with Glee’s much-hyped Britney Spears spectacular. So how did it all pan out?
Set off by a school visit from sexy new dentist in town Carl (the ever ageless John Stamos), the Glee-Clubbers one by one experienced a series of nitrous oxide-fuelled hallucinations featuring the one and only Miss Britney Spears herself.
In turn, I’m A Slave 4 U, Me Against The Music, …Baby One More Time, Stronger and Toxic got trotted out, to varying degrees of success (as did, oddly, Paramore’s Only Exception.)
Here’s Me Against the Music:
Unlike last season’s near-perfect ‘Power Of Madonna’ tribute, the Britney numbers this time round came off as forced and contrived. Sure, having them primarily stem from a series of medical-grade drug misuse was a subtly inspired dig at the popstrels own past adventures in recreational pharmacology, but almost none of the set pieces progressed any of the storylines, leaving the episode all stunt casting, no substance.
Saving the episode from total failure, however, was the incomparable Heather Morris as Brittany, who not only rocked the famous red catsuit with aplomb, but made the most of the new focus on her character. The revelation that she shares (almost) the same name as the popstar was a truly inspired joke, as was the amazing excuse for her poor dental hygiene “I don’t brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr Pepper was a dentist.”
Elsewhere, Mr Schu scrambled to prove that he could be spontaneous and carefree to try and win back the Uncle Jesse-romancing Emma by buying a bright yellow sports car and then, finally, joining the Glee Club in a stripped back, highly sexualized version of Toxic. Actually that performance, and the ensuing “Sex Riot” proved to be highlight of the night and underlined how much stronger (no pun intended) the show is when the numbers happen organically, like at the aforementioned school assembly performance. The increasing over-reliance on hallucinations and fantasy sequences risks turning the show into less of a deftly-written musical dramedy and more of a B-Grade MTV by way of Saturday Night Live.
Only Artie’s football field rendition of Stronger really showcased the delicate mix of invention, pathos and whimsy that has made Glee a pop culture phenomenon. Or, as Kurt so wonderfully puts it “This club regularly pays tribute to pop culture and Britney Spears IS pop culture.”
Speaking of, The Real Britney Spears looked like she was having a blast in her three dream sequence cameos and the sight of her in full Cheerio’s garb advising Brittany and Tina to try adding Ranch Dressing to their pizza toppings was worth watching the episode for alone.
Here’s to hoping that the publicity-baiting ‘tribute’ episodes are done for the season and Glee can get back to it’s (amazingly perfect) normal groove next week. Anyway, more importantly, does anyone else remember when Mike Chang got so freaking hot???
Best Song – Toxic by Will and the entire Glee Club. The one song that actually benefitted from it’s Glee-ification. A stripped back, simmering group performance that then exploded into a full throttle hyper-sexualised dance number that led to a whole auditorium of students breaking out in what Sue Sylvester hilariously proclaimed a “Sex Riot.” Nice to see Mr Schu get to join the club on stage for once without busting into one of his patented awful white boy raps. Bonus points for Emma so appropriately telling him he looked “like a cast member of Kids Incorporated.”
Best Lines –
Brittany (touching Jacob’s hair) : “It looks like a Jewish cloud.”
Sue: “Don’t let your own recklessness blind you to the fact that Britney Spears is a genius pop culture provocateur and a gateway drug to every out of control impulse ever created.”
Santana (to Rachel) : “Well, congratulations. Normally you dress like a fantasy of a perverted Japanese business man with a very dark specific fetish but I actually dig this look. Yay!”
Sue (To Will) : “You wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.”
Finally, here’s a montage of the Best Of Brittany thus far:
the from the block blog 